Am I single again?

Do you wanna know some (great) news? I am single. I think so anyway. To make a looooong story short:

Friday evening. Danish Anders invites me for a party at Mathias place near where I live. A Scandinavian party. I thought "Great, that will be sooo much fun!"
Me and Mia went out on Saturday to buy some clothes etc and started of slowly with some vodka redbull and a lot of lime. Around 11 we went to Mathias together with Fransesco.
I had soooo much fun! We had a great time, I made friend with Modde again, even though I had decided to hate him forever and forever.
It turns late and I am getting quite drunk. And I know that we are sitting in the backyard talking, me and Mia and Anders. Impressing. Funny. We get inside. Sit down on the sofas. And someone starts to offer me shots of vodka. Bad idea. But drunk as I was, I didn't think about it.
Around 5.30 we went home and Mia left me in our flat. I had the wooooooorst hangover ever ever ever on Sunday.

Went to work this morning. Around 3 I get a lot of texts and missed calls from Tore. Don't know why since I left the ATM card on the kitchen table.
"Do you know why I am pissed off" he shouts. "No, did I forget to leave the ATM card on the table?" "Wrong answer!!!" "Ok..?"
"You and Anders!" "What?" "You and Anders!!" "Me and Anders and what?" "You were acting like a whore!! Everybody knows it!!" "Ööööh, what?" "So you don't remember?" "No, sorry" "We are sooo over, you are a complete waste of time"

Kind of. And he broke up with me. Since I can't remember anything I went to Francesco who said "Oh yes, I know THAT!" and smiled. "Huh? How come everybody knows but me?"

It seems like I have a bit of a blackout there. After some research it seems like I kissed Anders at one point on Saturday night. But he doesn't remember either. Interesting huh?

And am I supposed to be sad now? What should I do? Should I move out? Should I stay? Should I try to make him forgive me? Doesn't this just show that something was actually not 100 % right in our relationship? Is all of this my fault alone? I don't have any tears in my eyes.
My lovely friends told me that they have a place for me to stay if I need. Typical it is so close to Christmas. What shall I do? I spoke to mum. She told me that I shouldn't think to much with my heart. I should move out, and if he wants to stay with me, then we will continue as a couple, but otherwise I will be free as a bird. And maybe I should be. Then I can do whatever I want again. I wont have to think about what someone else is thinking. But I still like him.

Hmmm....he will probably not take me back anyway so there is not point of thinking about that. I will see if his friends have left and then, I will go and try to have a conversation with him. I REALLY need a drink right now!!!!!!!

Csat is what I am living for

I am so stressed. I don't know what to do. I am sitting at work, looking at all my open cases, and thinking about the horrible job I am doing.
And then I received this email from our Area Manager today. She had read the comments from one of the surveys that I had received and she wanted to compliment me for my job. One of my customer said in the comments "You have a gem in your company. Her name is Erika von Gegerfelt. Give her an employee of the month award or a raise! Absolutely the best customer service I have ever experienced"

And even though I am stressed to death, I felt that I have done my job there. That felt good. And I have another customer that was really happy with my service today. This great Australian guy whom I have helped for the last 2 weeks. Great guy. It is quite sad to say goodbye to them sometimes. I spend hours on trying to solve their problems and some of them understand that, most of them don't. And it is when you receive comments like this, that you appreciate your job.

But I am stressed to death. I am so stressed that I don't even have time for lunch, I come in early and stay over to just fix with my cases. It shouldn't be like that. But on Wednesday I am having a meeting with my Manager and I am gonna discuss this to see how we are gonna solve it.

Now. I am going to bed. Need to get some rest. Last night I dreamt that someone tried to kill me, wasn't very pleasant...

Oohh. I made a new friend by the way =D Matteo. Another Italian guy, but he is working in the technical department. Funny guy. Italian people, they are great!

Christmas is coming to town

I had a nice day yesterday. I lay in bed and watched True blood. An American tv-series about vampires. Good stuff. I did that since I was sick and every time I moved I almost coughed my lungs up.

But I still had the energy to go to Dunnes Store to by some food and to get some christmas decorations. Felt I needed something. I mean it is first of Advent today. I think so anyway. They don't celebrate it over here so I am not sure, but I have heard so from mum. Anywho, I went there and found some candles and a really nice candle thing with red glass. It was beautiful, and about 15 euro. That is nothing. And it is more like something you would have at home, in Sweden.
Not these insanely crazy strong neon colors and metal and fake and too much of everything. It is just candles, and of course, the red flower, a christmas star. Julstjärna. And I realized how much more our flat looks like a home with only these few things.

The best part though, was that my dad called me in the middle of the night. He was having a "few" :) beers with some of his friends. That was great :) and I spoke to all of them. We had a great time in Spain last year, and that was also the last time I saw my dad. That is sad. I miss him. I think of him every day. Especially when I have had a fight with my "lovely" boyfriend. Like today.

I looked forward to go shopping with him, but when he was late and was about to have a coffee with a friend before we left, I asked him why, he just called me a bitch. Not fair huh? Ok, I can act a bit bitchy sometimes, but I wonder if I did this time. We said that we were going to town around three. At 3,30 he wasn't ready and said he was gonna grab a quick coffee with his friend first. And I just asked him why he couldn't do that after instead. I continue come up with reasons why I should stay with him, I like him, we will work it out, we are just having a bad period etc. But I feel a little bit like these women who are getting abused by their men (don't worry, he would never touch me, and if he would, I would kill him) they excuse their men all the time and say it will be better.
Anyway, we had a short fight and I started to cough. And you know what happened? I coughed so hard for about 10 min that almost all my blood vessels in my forehead and around my eyes and cheeks exploded. I coughed so hard that I almost threw up. So now, I look like an old alcoholic.

I am getting friends here now. I need friends to be able to break up if I decide to. I do not for a second in my life think that I will spend my life with this man. I don't believe in that kind of love anymore, especially not with him. But we have a nice flat, we have a nice time when we don't fight and he is the first guy I have met who wants to travel and have the possibility. Just like me. That is why I want it to work out.

Something I am very proud of today. I have fixed my first problem in the flat. The washing machine stopped working of some reason. I had no idea why, it just stopped spinning. And since I wanted to try and sort it out before we called our landlord, I tried to open the lid on the bottom of the machine. I opened it a little and a lot of water came out. Hmmm...
Well, I managed to empty it in the end and take out the thing in it which is for all the fluff that gets stuck in the machine. And we found a lot of coins. And a lot of fluff. And some bra things. No wonder the machine wasn't working. The water couldn't get out. So I emptied it and now it is working fine. I am sooo handy =D

I am already in a better mood. Screw you, boyfriend. I can take care of myself.  =)

Genuinely happy

Happy. Happy. Happy!

Life is great. Life is wonderful. Life is super right now.

I am sooooooooooo happy that I am alive. That I am here where I am. That I have the friends I have, that I know the people I do, that I work at this super company.

One thing is that I last night had a farewell dream regarding a very old friend of mine. A best friend that I have had for many years. Something happened about a year ago and we stopped talking. From being these close close best friends, to nothing. I felt lonely, I felt empty, even though I made new friends. I missed her.
Last night I dreamt that I nightmare, nothing bad happened to any of us, but we had a fight and we said goodbye. And I woke up this morning and felt that I finally have left all of this behind me. It was like breaking up you know. I loved her. She was my family, I thought we were gonna be best friends forever.
But life is strange. You change, people around you change. One day you wake up and realize that you have become a complete different person.
But I finally said goodbye, and I am ready to at some point in my life find another close best friend. Except my forever close soulmate Richa. I do believe that we will be best soulmate epilepsy friends forever, because guys do not come in our way, and we wont ever have to worry about falling for the same guy ;)

I love you Richa, you are the best! We are sooo gonna celebrate ourselves with champagne when I come home for a visit. Like we always do. Just because we are we. And because we can cancel 10 min before we are supposed to meet without any of us getting upset and bitchy like 99% of the rest of the female population on this planet...
You know that I am trying to move you over here...I would love to have you here close to me...

I am sooo happy to be healthy. A friend of mine at work have been seriously ill for the last few months now and have been at the hospital quite a few times. They have FINALLY found the problem and she is gonna get better, but the pain she has had! And still she is such a star.

And the colleagues I have at work are great. Especially the other departments, the guys who are situated home in Stockholm and in Barcelona. They are super, and I really look forward to get home and meet them in real life!

Now I am gonna go to bed. Tomorrow is gonna be a busy busy day and I am planning to be as happy as today...some people can't stand me ;)


And my family, my friends, you know I love you all.

I can't wait to see you again

I am sorry I haven't updated my blogg for two weeks...but I have been so incredibly busy and stressed out. I have so many open cases and everything at work and am trying to manage that without letting my customers suffer and get even more unhappy...

Anywho, I have had time to do a few things this week =)

I went out this Wednesday with one of the tier 1 guys from Portugal, Ricardo. Cool guy. I have promised him for weeks to go out and have a beer and I had a real rough day Wednesday. We went to the city centre and had some food at this sooooo American diner thing and ate burgers and drank milkshake. Fun as hell! And then we had a few beers at Crane Lane. Great night.

And Friday. Went with Mia to city centre after work to shop some shoes, eat and grab a whiskey. The whiskey since my throat was killing me. We had a great time and went to Crane Lane (the place to be). Francesco, the Italian guy in our team (one of my absolute favorites) popped by and joined us. He is the funniest man I have met, and with him you are guaranteed a great evening. We sat there and just enjoyed life and not being at work (horrible customers). Mia had to go home a bit earlier, but me and Francesco sat there til about 10.30 and then I felt I should go home to my dear boyfriend since I had promised to bring him food.
Francesco had asked  if we would like to join him and another Italian guy from our team on Sunday, when they were going on a trip. Sure, said I =)

Saturday. Mia came over. We watched movies and ate pizza. Just awesome to spend some time with a girl and talk about silly stuff.

And this morning. Woke up and got ready. Went down to city centre where I met Francesco and Jean Luca. We were going to Youghal, where Ray, one of the guys from the Dutch team is living. He sits opposit me at work =)

Took the car out from Cork city and got lost. These two Italians are the worst map readers I have ever met. They didn't even have a map!! No wonder we got lost every ten min. I have never laughed so much. And I took pictures.

When we finally arrived in Youghal, after a numerous amount of detours, we met Ray and went for lunch. Beautiful town. A coast town and I just loved it! We decided to go to this historical seaside village about 15 min drive from Youghal.
Arrived. Nothing but a beach and some lost dogs. Where was the history? Where was the old houses? Where was the people?
We stood there like idiots, looking at the beach and walked for a few min before we went back to Youghal for a beer or two (or actually Irish coffee and white wine)

These guys are great! I had a great time and it was fun. We came back to Cork arount 7 tonight, but it felt like we had been gone for soo much longer. (we got lost on the way back again, I admire Jean Luca for managing that)

So this was my super duper great weekend! And now it's back to work tomorrow. I am soooo busy, but I am relaxed and am looking forward to going out for a few drinks this week as well and also the cinema. Who I am going with, I am not sure yet, Mia or Ricardo or maybe both.

I am finally starting to get friends here. And I realize how much I actually likes to live here in Ireland again. I do miss home, but I love this country (even though the weather is shit).The people I have met, the things I have done, the things I will do, it is all something that I would not even have come close to experience at home.

What I really want to say: I am happy again. Genuinely happy.

The weaker gender...

There is a weaker gender...which one? Right, as IF women would ever be the weaker gender....

I mean, look at my dear boyfriend (always the example). He complains and complains and complains "I work so much...buhu, I work 11 hours in a row"
Ok, that would maybe be a lot, but he is also off three days a week.
"Buhu, I am so tired when I get home from work. Can't clean, can't cook, can't wash clothes, no energy"
But he has energy enough to be awake til 6 in the morning (he finish work at 23.00) and sit in front of the computer...

So I say. "It is ok if you don't clean or cook or anything the days you are working, I understand you must be tired, but please help me on your off days"
Does that happen? Never. "I am NEVER off (he had to work an extra day, two weeks in a row, one of them he called in sick with a hangover) I don't have the energy today! And he gets angry with me. It is not like I am up his face anymore asking him fifteen times to clean the kitchen, it is more like "you promised to take out the trash wednesday, it is sunday now..."

So what is wrong with him? I guess he probably just is the weaker gender. I have to adjust to the fact that some people can't handle things.
I was working 60-80 hours a week, split shift, late evenings and early mornings, six days a week, and did I complain? Sure a bit, but not like this. I would NEVER complain like this. Just get a grip! Grow up.

I know what HARD WORK is, and it is NOT sitting in front of a computer 11 hours a day...I would like to see him working my 82 hours in 7 days, with two 21 hours shift after each other with four hour sleep in between. Running in a restaurant, carring plates, tables, chairs, glasses, dishes, cleaning, polishing etc.

I am a bit bitter I think...
He was off, Sunday, Monday and today. Was supposed to clean yesterday, since he is to tired on Sundays (that is absolutely fine). No cleaning yesterday, he "woke up" at 4pm. Sure. I cleaned up a bit and he promised to clean today and that we would go for dinner today instead..
Came home today...nothing cleaned. He "woke up" at 4.30 and didn't feel well. Apparently he was completely smashed when he came home last night. So he is not ill, he has a hang over...good excuse.


When it comes to illnesses, we all know that guys are weaker..they get a little cold and they think they will die..
My boyfriend have been home several times already feeling ill, and he has been ill many many many times on his off days (think it is so that he wont have to clean). When I got sick two weeks ago I tried to continue to work, but I ended up in the hospital. I was ill for real.


It is a bit sad guys, but I love you anyway. Thinking about maybe getting a girlfriend though. Just to see if it is any better.. naaaa...
Might move out from Tore now though. Tried to talk to him about it, the reaction I get is "so move out!!!!" and he then ignores me. Feels like talking to a kid. Maybe I just should. A german girl at work needs a new room mate. Hmm, I need to think about it. Is it time to cut loose?

The sweet escape is ringing in my head again...

Long, busy days - me like

I really love my job, I do. I like it when it is busy. But I don't like when you have the feeling that you are behind, that you have to much left before deadline. Ok, I don't really have deadlines, but I do need to stay in contact with my customers regularly. When I was ill, my colleagues were supposed to help me with my most urgent cases, the one that really needed help right away. I came back, and no one had taken one of my cases! That meant that I had to go back on taking calls, with a big backlog. And on top of that, I am responsible for letters, so I had to do them. Suddenly I was up in over 30 open cases. That is a lot!!
I am trying to work as fast as I can, while I am taking calls as well, but it is difficult. Most of the cases requires me calling the customer or somewhere else and I can't do that when I am taking calls.
Well, I am working fine and could close a lot of cases today, but then I got 6 new letters, and I had the same amount as I had this morning.
I still love my job and I am busy the whole time, which means that the day is just passing by in no time, that is usually a good thing, but not right now since I have so many things to finish.

Except that, I have slept bad the last few days, I got the same symptoms again as the ones I had when I went to the hospital, not as serious though. And since I don't have time to get sick again, I didn't say anything and just tried to ignore it.

When I got home to my boyfriend who has been off today, I hoped to see something done, at least the trash taken out..what do you think?
I asked him what he had done today, and said in the same sentence "probably nothing" and he looked at me and said "Yes I have!" I looked surprised and he told me that he had called the bank to set up a direct debit to my account and he had washed the frying pan! And he said it as if he had cleaned the whole flat twice!

So I ate, and started to clean. I don't have the energy to say anything. When I asked why he had done nothing he said "this is my first off day for a long time", he was off Saturday and Sunday...but with big hang overs. Is that my fault?
I am just letting it go. I am having a cup of tea and will clean up a bit before I go to bed. I really need to get some more sleep so I can handle the day tomorrow.

Oh, and by the way. I am trying to make friends here. On Thursday I am gonna go to the pub with a few guys, and hopefully a girl =) and have a few beers. My boyfriend will be sooo pissed off if he knows they are guys, but I will tell him and they know very well that I have a boyfriend, they have worked with him.

And I guess I am going up to Belfast this weekend. If Fredrik has not thrown our stuff away already. I will be a little sad then. I will survive without them, but my cooking book that I got as a christmas gift two years ago, is up there.

Well, need to go now..

Fan ta killar

Why a m I surprised? Remember I told you yesterday that Tore had promised to go out for lunch with me today? And that I said that there was a 99% chance that he would back out of some reason?

Well, I had lunch alone today...
Tores excuse today? He didn't have the energy at the moment, and he needed a shower...we almost had a fight I told him that I really had looked forward to having lunch together with him today. To do SOMETHING. Go down to town and maybe just walk in the sunshine (cause it is sunny today for once)
He said that we could go for dinner then, around 8 instead. And I told him that I will go to bed early to bed today and he knows that, so I wont have time for dinner. I begged him to come with me. No.
I left alone and walked around in town It is nice, but it would have been better with him. And as I forget and forgive very quickly, I decided to bring him home some late lunch/dinner.

I walked home and shouted in the hallway. No answer. I went in to the kitchen. Empty. And I just felt so tired. So disappointed. I looked at the mess, he hadn't even bothered to take out the trash. (Like always)

I called him. He answered. I asked him where he was. He was out to make dinner reservation for him, Björn and Modde. He had left about half an hour after I left. Or even earlier. He probably just waited til I was out of the building before he got ready. And I asked him "so you do have the energy to go out for dinner with them, but not for lunch with me?" "No" was his answer. ??? I told him that I had brought dinner for him and he just said "that was cute of you"
I just felt SOO angry. He promised to call me after they had made reservations and we said goodbye. I have promised myself not to cry over him. But I can't help it. I just felt so angry, so alone.
I had to punch something. I slammed the door, I kicked the wall, and I felt the tears in my eyes. Sometimes I just hate him. I get surprised every time he disappoints me, since I am an optimist.

Question: Can you be lonely in a relationship?
Answer: Seems like it. I AM lonely.

We do not see each other more than a few days a week (even though we live together), and still we never do anything together. He promised that we would do something yesterday since he was going out for dinner with a few colleagues today. Did we do anything? No, because he called in sick because he had a big hangover. He came home at 6 in the morning and was completely wasted.
When I came home one morning after a big party, (I had fallen asleep on the couch) he was so angry that I barely could speak to him. Absolutely not be in the same room as him.

I don't mind him going out to get wasted, to see his friend or whatever, but please, I am his girlfriend and should have just a little priority. At least be on the same level as his friends. But I am soo much lower. Is that how it should be?

Late night worrying

I am worrying. About the stuff that is left up in Belfast. There is a bag and a box with my and Tore's stuff and I know that our friend is moving out of the flat during the next few days. I wonder what they will do to the things if I have not picked them up before they move. I will text our friend and ask if he can bring them to his new place and I'll promise I will get up next weekend. I will try to explain that I have been in the hospital and needed this weekend to recover.
I am a bit disappointed that Tore has not been up as he promised, but I am not surprised. That is the sad truth.

He seems to not care at all what happens to the things we have there. Mine AND his. But that is how it is with everything. He don't really seem to care a lot about stuff that is important to me. I know that he came to the hospital while I was there and brought me stuff, and I love him for that, but can't he just keep another promise once in a while? Or am I just completely blind and he does actually keep his promises?

I am up this late since I have a headache. I spoke to Tore when I came in from my midnight walk and he said that he would come to bed within half an hour. I have heard that before. I was out in the living room an hour later, since I didn't want to go to bed before him. Can be nice to go to bed at the same time for once (have happened one time in the last 2 months) and he just said that I had only been gone for 30 min and refused to believe me. Anyway, he got annoyed and I went back to reading in the bedroom and came out another hour later. Then he got almost angry. I probably get upset over nothing, but it feels like I don't have more energy left for this.
He complains that I want attention all the time, he DO give me attention, but not for more than 5, maybe 10 min in a row. I would prefer just having a few hours with his whole attention, watching a movie, "talk" (not the serious kind, just normal chatting), making dinner together, take a walk, play in bed ;) but he does not have time. He is tired and it is his "day off" so he can't do ANYTHING, especially not help me clean up the mess or wash some clothes.

He IS working eleven hours at work, I KNOW that, but I work as well, and I still come home and clean and make dinner et cetera. I AM tired, but I take that time anyway. I feel like I am the housewife with a cigarett in one hand, this disgusting round things in my hair and an ugly robe with old slippers. The typical nagging bitch. Have we been married for 20 years already? That is how I feel right now.
No intimacy, no conversations, no doing stuff together. He sits up to 6 in the morning, and complains and try to send me to bed if I am up longer than 12. I understand he want some private time, but where am I supposed to sit? In the bedroom doing nothing? My laptop is in the kitchen/living room and that is where I have to keep it.

I guess I am just that nagging bitch after all. I am trying not to be. I really do. I am trying to not annoy him with my presence. Sick isn't it?
I was the most outgoing happy girl ever before I met him and moved in with him. I have grown up, and I do not blame him for anything. I have not been wanting to go out for a long time, but I also know that when I have, he has always been there to make me feel guilty when I get home late and is tipsy or drunkish...

I am trying to make friends here. I am starting to get a few. Not any close ones though, I am quite sick of getting close friends since I know that they will leave (or I) sooner or later. Often sooner. I am gonna try to go out and have fun in the weekends now. But I want to see him sometimes. We do not see each other, Wednesday to Saturday since he is working so it is natural that I want to do something with him. Fuck this! I am just complaining...and it is late and I have a headache. You know I love this guy, sometimes I wonder why, but he makes me happy =) all couples have ups and downs.

I am planning to go down to the city centre tomorrow and have lunch, we decided to go together, but I can tell you that there is a 99% chance that he will come up with an excuse not to go...I'll tell you later =)

Now I am gonna try to get to sleep...

Dr. says "Hmmm, I don't know what's wrong with you...

Sounds comforting right? I had felt weird 5 days in a row. I had been to the hospital once already, at the GP once and been sent home twice from work. When they  sent  me home on Monday, they told me that I should go and check this at the hospital again, at a neurologist, since this made no sense. I went home, felt all sickly even though I was fine by then, and when I woke up Tuesday I thought. It is not happening again...
It took a few hours and then all went dizzy again and I saw double and my balance disappeared. I told Tore to call a taxi and we went to the hospital. I was almost fine when we finally met a nurse, but still very unsteady, so Tore and the nurse had to lead me.
She says that she will have to take my blood pressure and I complain that I hate it. Everything was fine, and then she said "I will need to take a blood sample as well. I thought I was gonna die. I went all hysterical, started hyperventilate and cry. I squeezed Tores hand til it was nothing, or at least til I almost fainted. God, that is a lovely feeling...You are just floating away and it doesn't hurt anymore and you do not care what they do.

Then she sent us out in the waiting hall again and said that they were very busy so we would maybe have to wait about two hours. That sounded ok to me. I sent Tore home so he could shower and wake up since I woke him up with the demand calling a taxi and he was back after 2½ hours. Still not called in.
3 hours passed. 4 hours. Tore was angry and went in and asked what they were doing. Came back with nothin. 5 hours passed. He went in again and they said that he patients that were more urgent, on my journal it said "the dizzy girl". No wonder I have had to wait! Tore came back, and when almost 6 hours had passed, I finally managed to send him home. I mean, it was his off day. Tore wasn't too happy with this, but I told him that there were no point for him staying here.

He left and after 20 min, they called me in. Finally! I thought. Silly me. A nurse sat me in a room, took my blood pressure and said that the doctor would come by anytime soon. 30 min passed. Another nurse came in and wanted to take my blood pressure. I told her that someone else had already done that, "I can't see it here" she said and took it again. Then she left. About 1 hour later a doctor finally shows up.

I tell her my symptoms and she does the usual tests, pointing at the nose, walking, seeing, feeling etc. Asked me millions of questions and then said.. "Hmm, I don't know what's wrong with you"...and walks off.
I felt sooo much more comfortable with that...
I heard her discuss with other doctors in a room nearby, and she came back a few min later. Hmm, we are gonna do some tests.
I have to sit and wait in another waiting room for 45 min before someone picks me up for my CT-scan. Done and back to the emergency department. I have to stand there waiting for another 15 min before they find me a "bed". i thought "great, i'll get a room". But what was I thinking? I got a kind of a stretcher, but a little more comfortable. In a corridor!! Together with about 8 others along the wall!!
And the nurse said I should be "lucky" since this was the "quiet" corridor! I was in chock. In the middle of that, a man came and asked me to sign for my insurance company so that I would not have to pay for my stay. That would be about 800 euro per night!!
800 euro for a stretcher in a corridor?!

I stayed at the hospital for nearly three days, doing tests but mostly just lying on my back or sitting on my ass, bored. Until my lovely boyfriend came buy with his homer slippers, some comfy clothes, toothbrush and  ipod. The everything was a bit better.
But still, three days in the hospital, and all they found was nothing? They sent me home a few hours ago telling me everything was fine. I haven't had any symptoms during my stay, but it wouldn't surprise me if they came back tomorrow or something.

What I do know now do is: I'm gonna look up if the private hospital is better, faster and has a little bit better food at least and if not, I will fly home from now on.

8 days without rain...record of the year!

I will tell you something. We had 8 days in a row with sunshine and no rain. That has not happened for a long long time. Apparently it is a record of the year! Can you understand? 8 days and no rain is the biggest news in the papers...

Spoke to a customer today and she asked about my stay in Ireland. I told her about the rain, rain and rain. But I also said that the reason I am still here, is because Ireland is so incredibly beautiful. And she could imagine that. But she wasn't very impressed with the rain.. =)

I have had a good day today. Even though I was sooo emotional this morning, felt like I wanted to cry all the time. I thought about my old dog, and my cats, and my dad, and I was just sad. That changed though, when I came to work and met my great colleagues.
They looked a bit surprised when they saw me. Could it be because my hair is the same color as a carrot...don't ask me why...
Well ok, I was supposed to get my beautiful blonde color back and decided to bleach it myself. Bad move! My roots are almost white, and the rest of the hair is carrot...I have been to work two days now with a hat to cover my roots. I will go to the hair dresser later this week and sort it out. People think it looks good on me though (they haven't seen my roots thank god for that!)

And I want to tell you about the lovely banking system in Ireland. I realized when I got my statement, that the money for the rent has gone back to my account, which means: We have not paid the rent for September. And since my lovely bank by mistake canceled my car (and didn't tell me) I do not have any possibility to reach the money and give them in cash. So I tried yesterday to transfer money to Tore so that he could take the money. But nope. If you want to use internet banking with my bank, Bank of Ireland, you have to register the account you want to transfer money to, get an activation code by mail and then activate this before you can transfer the money. This would take at least a week. So I thought, maybe I can call the 365 phone banking, and ask them to transfer the money for me. But nope. They need the activation code first. Where is the logic in that??
I should be able to transfer money to whatever account I want without any hazzle. But no, not with Bank of Ireland!

The other thing. I do not have a card since my branch is up in Dublin, and they have my card, but promised me a call three weeks ago to discuss where we would send the card. No call! No card!
So I called them today as well, and asked them if they could send my card to my home address. "No, we can not do that, we have to send it to a branch and you can pick it up there". Then I got pissed of and almost yelled at the woman I was talking to, saying: "You fucked up, canceled my card by mistake and missed a callback three weeks ago, WHEN I had the time to go to a branch in town. NOW I work until 17.30 every day, and the bank close at 16.00! What am I supposed to do then? I want you to send it to my HOME address!!
The woman was completely quiet for a few seconds, and then she said "Ok, I will make an exception and send it to your home address"
THANK YOU!

When you work in Customer Service, I think you get even more aware of stuff like this, and I would not have given in for this. I should not be punished when they fuck up. She apologized about ten times before we said goodbye, and by then I was in an ok mood again.

I spoke to my manager and she is letting me take 2½ hours of tomorrow morning so that I can go to the bank and withdraw money for the rent. I do not have to take this as holiday since she is letting me work over those hours during the next two weeks.

In general, I am fine. I like it here, and it is a lot better between me and Tore now. And a good thing I think, is that we wont see each other Wednesday - Saturday, from now on, since Tore is working a late shift and will come home after I have gone to bed. And I will leave for work before he wakes up. Might do wonder (I hope so)

Now, I have been working with importing music and creating playlist for my iPod for three hours and it is time for me to go to bed. I was soooo tired ttoday and I do not want to get a fit!


Sleep tight friends

Me turning old...23...

It was my birthday last Friday. How did it go?

Well....I had a really bad day at work, with a lot of customers that was difficult to please..Sometimes you can't really do anything, and you really try to find something you can do, but today, I think God was trying to punish me or something because I had sooo looong calls and they were soo angry.
When I started at work, they told me that they have a phycologist working full time for the staff and I thought to myself "what a complete waste of money", but now, after a few days with really bad calls..I understand why he/she is here. WhenI go home after work, it is difficult for me to let go of the cases, and sometimes I am real upset. But I really DO enjoy my job. It is super to help people, and most of them does not scream at me =)

After work (I had to work over because I was in a call), I went home to rest. I was completely exhausted and not really in the mood of having a birthday. But it was Friday...thank God! Tore got home, and did barely speak to me. (Yey, this is gonna be a  great birthday)
The reason why he did not talk to me was because I came home a little bit late, Thursday evening. There was a job thing going on at one of the clubs in town. They were recognizing people that had made a big difference through the year. It was super, but I stayed out kind of late with my team, and when I was on my way home I called him and he just asked me to fuck off and hung up...Niiice birthday.
Apparently he had received a text from someone earlier that evening saying "some stranger are trying to chat up your girlfriend".

Anywho, after about 30 min, I had been cute enough and he melted =D and he actually gave me a gift. A real beautiful diamond necklace in gold. It is soo beautiful! Nice boyfriend!
And after that we actually went out for dinner to an Italian restaurant. Tore ordered a steak, and it was the best steak I have had (and he has had) in years. It was the first time since I left home that I have actually enjoyed a perfect medium rare steak. It practically melted in the mouth!

So my birthday was great anyway. Also, my dad, my sister and my mom called. And my grandma. And my dear friend Richa. And on Facebook, everybody congratulated me. I was impressed, thought people had forgot me =)

Tore has started at Blizzard now, as a game master. Seems like he is enjoying it. It is closer home as well.

Oh, by the way. We have had four days of sunshine in a row!! People not living in Ireland may not think this is something worth mentioning, but since it is probably the first time this year, that this has happened, it is quite a big of a deal. Me love sunshine! And I really do love Cork and Ireland when it is sunny. Everything comes alive (otherwise we are only alive inside the pub)

Need to get to bed now, I have to go up an hour earlier than usually, since I have to pick up the parcel mom sent to me. And since the Irish logic says that you can close the post office at 13.30 weekdays, I do not have any other choice than to pick it up before work.
It IS incredible though, how unfriendly customer service can be...I just HATE customer service in Ireland. They do not know how to help you out, and don't really care to either...They do not look at you when you talk to them, you can see on their body language that they think you are an idiot wasting there time, and I even "heard" that over phone with the post office. When I asked if they could send the package out again, they just said blunt no. No explanation, nothing, just no.

I think you are getting more observant on stuff like that when you are in the same business...and I feel so proud that I am sooo nice towards my customer (even when they are screaming at me)

Well, time for bed!

Huggies

And yes, me like ponies...

I had my first "real" day at work today. In that I mean, I took calls alone, and had to solve all the problems and customers alone, with no one listening in on the calls. It was scary. It was fun. I loved it!

I had maybe four calls, but that was more than enough for me today! Everything takes a bit longer than it should right now since I am doublechecking everything fifteen times just to be sure.

I had a customer with a consumer law claim which really made me nervous since it is really importnant I do not say anything that can be turned around in the wrong way. It went fine. Scary stuff!

This job is gonna be sooo great when I finally know where to find everything and know what to say. That will take me a little time tho... =)

Hmmm, what else have happened? Oh yeah, I went up to Belfast last weekend. Just decided last Thursday to pop up and grab some stuff. I went up to Belfast and back to Cork in 28 hours. I spent 16 of those hours on the bus... Came up to Belfast Friday night at 04.30 and just went to a hostel where I fell asleep. Went up at 10-ish and then straight to our old flat to start pack. That took some time and at 3pm I took the bus back. I can honestly say that it didn't stop rain once during my trip over the whole Island. There was floodings in Dublin and Belfast, and some warnings in Cork. Accidents everywhere (since the Irish don't know how to drive when it's raining) and just dull.

A good thing though is that I decided to start read something and now I feel that I'm getting into one of those periods when I can just read a book after another. Right now I'm reading the sixth Harry Potter again so that I can finally read the last one after.

Tore is going to Dublin this weekend, yey! So I will have at least the whole Sunday alone. That will be sooo nice. We've barely seen each other this week, but we are just fighting anyway so it doesn't really matter.

I'm thinking about staying brunette. I quite like it. And it looks good in me. I DO miss my blonde hair, but it is quite nice to be taken seriously =) And yes, there is a difference! But if you are not a blonde Swedish girl, then you cannot possible imagine what I mean =D (I'm not complaining)

Now, I'm gonna go and take a looooong bath and read.

See ya later my dear friends.

My first call...

I KNOW I promised to update more often. I don't know why I can't!! Shame on me! I will try!

Anywho, I have been in Cork now for 6 weeks!! Time really flies. Or not really, it goes really slow when you are short of money and you are waiting for the paycheck... =)

As you know, I have had quite a few bad first weeks down here in Cork. It was actually more like hell... Anywho, we finally got ourself a really nice apartment (where we can have the fastest broadband in ireland = 20mb/s...) and after a lot of counting and stuff we decided to move in..

I worked that one evening at the wedding.. I was suppose to work between 16 and 23, but seriously, WHAT wedding finish at eleven??? I was done at 05.00 in the morning...and the hotel paid a taxi for me and two guys in to Cork. I was sooo tired after that shift, but soo happy. I felt like home!! And I had been the team leader and stuff so I had really been in my own environment like.

But the days before the wedding tho, Thursday and Friday, were busy. I had contact with three recruitment companies...and they called about different jobs and stuff.

I was in chock!! In the beginning of the next week I had an interview with a travel company, like a call center thing. And another recruitment company asked if I wanted to apply for Apple Inc. I said that I hadn't done that already since I didn't think I had the skills, but they said that they would send it for me, so sure, why not?

They called me the day after and told me Apple was interested and wanted to have a language test with me (English, Danish, Swedish, Norwegian)..and I was nervous! The interview went well. Half an hour after the language test I had a final interview with the travel company, a kind of practical test thing. I thought that went crap!

The travel agency offer me the position. And Apple have a face to face interview with me the same day. The interview went well and I didn't know what to do. It all went so fast. In the middle of all of this I had had to get in touch with two references for me, and my lovely Gabi is in Switzerland, but I finally reached her and she and Karoline (my dear friend from Belfast, GEM) was the bestest references you could possible have!!

Apple got aware of the fact that I had a job offer and the position I originally applied for wouldn't start until the beginning of September, so I told the recruitment company that "sorry, but I'm gonna have to say yes to the travel company since I need a job". They called Apple, who called back and within 2 hours and gave me a second interview over phone (more a formality thing) and in the end of the conversation they offered me the position and said that they had changed the start date, til the following Tuesday. (This was Thursday)

And me, very happy, just smiled and said yes and suddenly I had a job!!

So the last two weeks I have been on training. "special training" since I started after all the others. It's been great. The Nordic team is great and the atmosphere at Apple is super. It's about 2000 people working for Apple in Cork. We sign a lot of confidentiality papers and stuff when we start, so I wont tell you anything importnant since that can be really bad. And for that matter, I don't know anything interesting anyway =)

What I do know, is that I work at Customer Relations and that my job is to take care of all the unhappy customers calling to Apple. And that we DO get discount for myself and family/friends =D

The problem we had with money is finally solved, Tore is on normal tax, we have paid all stuff we need, deposits, rents and first bills and so on, and we will now get good money to save =D and shop shoes...

But what I really wanted to tell you my friends, is that I for my first time today, took calls. That is something I have been soooo not looking forward to =) I mean, what if you get the worst case scenario on the first one like?
Luckily, the trainer put me with Inga (nicest Norwegian girl ever) as my mentor and when the first call came, I thought I was gonna die!

But I did it!! And the customer was great and he was happy in the end! And I was even happier! And I could handle the call by myself with guide from Inga. And I also did a second call!! Me proud!!

I just want you to be a little proud of your nice Swedish girl =)

And that's all for me right now...

Love you guys!

A long 3 months have passed...

It has been almost three months since I updated my blogg. I am shit, I know. Forgive me. I'll try to be better. Ok, enough of this, I am here to tell you all that has happened since my short Belfast story...I will repeat again that the Belfast story 1,2 and 3 were the same as "From Norway 'til now" but in Swedish. I'm gonna continue writing in English though.

Anyhow, where should I start? Ok, about three months ago, Tore was looking for a job in Germany, UK, France etc. He GOT a job in Miami, US, but NO he didn't want to live in US again. HELLO, I WANT TO!  I said. They could have gotten me a job at the same company, a big Norwegian company. They would help us with accomodation, but we had 4 weeks in a hotel to start with. AND they would help us with Visas and all that legal stuff. But NO.
So I continued to play WoW. That was kind of all I did for almost three months. That IS SAD! I was looking for jobs wherever he was looking, but if you want a job in the restaurant or hotel business their is a bigger chance of getting an interview by going and handing in your cv in person.

We fought almost every day. Horrible. But I can understand it. I mean, we were close to each other 24/7 which can tear a relationship apart. At one point we had a real bad fight and me and my drama, was thinking about breaking up with him and leaving the country. I sat up the whole night and the next day and finished updating my CV and then I sent it everywhere. A lot of jobs called within 2 days and I got a job as a Breakfast Supervisor in a small hotel somewhere in the middle of nowhere in England. They wanted an immediate start and I could start 3 days later if I wanted. As it was a live-in hotel I wouldn't have to worry about accomodation. I considered it, but by the time all of this, me and Tore were friends again.

I continued play WoW...I am ashamed to say that I could play up to 10 -14 hours per day. Fred and Tore said I was addicted. I said I just didn't have anything better to do. When internet went out for a few days I didn't feel the need to play, which must mean that I was right. I can actually skip like 6 weeks or something here because the days were all the same. Tore was looking for a job, I was playing WoW and looking for a job sometimes. We continued our fights though.

It was depressing, but I played WoW and met a few friends there. And I leveled my druid! At some point in the end of May I finally reached lvl 70!! Woho!

Ok, back to reality. In the middle of May he applied for a few positions at Blizzard, the creator of WoW. The positions were located either in Cork, Ireland or in a suburb of Paris.
It took a few weeks, but in the end of May, after three interviews, he finally got an email saying "You have been successful for one of the following positions..." and the three positions he applied for were listed. It didn't say anything else. He assumed that they would contact him within a few days with more information. After a week, he emailed them.  No response. He tried to call them. No response. It was now the middle of June. The last of June was our last day in the flat. We had to move out by then.
Since he didn't hear anything from Blizzard, he applied for a position at Apple in Cork. It took them 5 days, and 3 interviews and then he got the job. Nothing from Blizzard, end of June. We started packing and THAT was stressful. We moved out on the morning 1st of July. My dear friend Karoline, very nice Swedish girl and ex-colleague, let us borrow her flat 'til we moved down to Cork.

3rd of July we took the bus down to Cork. And now the nightmare begins...
The bus left at 9.10. We had two big suitcases, 1 bag, 2 backpacks and 2 boxes to carry. That was hell! We came to the Europa Station 9.05. Thank god we made it. There is only one bus leaving to Cork every day from Belfast.
And Tore started complaining. They didn't use the AC so it was sooo hot! And the seats were to close so he couldn't sit in a good position. I just let him complained. We thought the bus ride would be around 6 hours and an express bus with no changes. It said so anyway. But no, the ride was TEN hours and there was TWO changes!
The first change was bad! To a little worse bus. Even closer seats. And just when we left Tore asked me: "Did you take the black bag?" And I realised I forgot it on the other bus when I carried all the other stuff! What the hell was I suppose to do now? I ran to the bus driver who stopped. I told him that all my medication were in the bag and that I just needed to call them so that they could leave it in the station and I could pick it up the next day.
He was sooo annoyed, but said "Run back and get it!" And I ran. It was only 300 m, but when you have to run with a bag that weighs about 17 kg, that is heavy! I made it though. Thought I was gonna die after that run. Need to do some workout.. :)
More complaints. Now about the driver as well. He was a crappy driver and things were flying in the bus. At some point I fell asleep (after a fight with Tore) and I woke up when we stopped for the second change.

The third bus was the worst I've seen in service. It was really old, the inside completely covered in graffiti and the seats were broken and stuff! But the driver? That rude idiot! It started to rain just before we were entering the bus, and instead of opening the door to let us in, while he was getting ready, he left us standing in the rain. He took almost five minutes before he sighed and opened the door.

Finally on, Tore complained even more as you can understand. And the driver wouldn't have been allowed to drive a shopping trolley in Sweden. HE was completely crap. Two times we stopped to let people on, both times there were really old ladies with big suitcases. He didn't even bother to go out of the bus to help them opening the luggage door! Or to help them put the luggage in the bus!! Tore fell asleep which gave me some peace.

And then we were there. Cork. 19.15. 10hours and 5min. We had tried to find a B&B but could only find a really expensive one. But since it was late and we were tired we just took it. Tore had to be at work the day after so we needed to get some rest.
The B&B was ok. In the morning Tore disappeared for work while I had to go to the estate agency to sort out our accomodation and luggage for the day etc. One of the most stressful days in my life! When I went back to the B&B to check out and get my luggage, one of the staff was helping me with the luggage. It was on the first floor. And suddenly I heard a bad noise and a boom. I just wished. And ran out. It was the computer he had dropped down the stairs! I mean, how unlucky can you be? I was soo upset. But I got all the things out and in a taxi and somehow I got all the stuff to a luggage thing at the bus station. I bribed the taxi driver to help me carry the luggage to the drop-off. Thank god for that.

You may think that we had enough of bad luck now? No, never...

I called the guy who were gonna give us the keys in the afternoon and got an appointment with him around five at Arcadia Hall. I met up with Tore and we brought all our stuffs and went there. We had to call the guy, since he didn't meet up with us. His name was John and he was the caretaker of Arcadia.
We brought our stuff in to the campus and we signed the papers and stuff before he took the keys and showed us to our rooms.
To start with they misunderstood us and thought we wanted two single rooms, even though we asked for a double room. Anyhow, the flat we were supposed to get were not available anymore since one of the keys were missing. And that had been the "nicest flat" they'd told us earlier. This guy said "I'll take you to no 15, that is as clean as you can get it around here. There are three chinese people living there at the moment. He opened the door and I could just feel a strong smell of take-out food (no offence). But ok, let's be objective. We went into "my room", No bed. OK? Went into "Tores room" Someone had been smoking there. Went to the kitchen/living room. Trash and dish everywhere. Vodka and beer bottles all along the wall!! I just said "Sorry, can't live here" Tore felt the same way. John got a bit annoyed by our opinions and wanted to show us a few other apartments just to show us that this was the cleanest one.

We saw three other apartments, all equally bad and John got more and more annoyed. Finally he said "ok, this is a block where we don't let people move in since it's going through refurbishing, but I can let you move in there if you want to. He took us to another block and I was prepared for the worst. But I was soooo tired by now, just wanted to take my stuff somewhere and  go sleep. He let us in to apt 28. An empty apt. Living room. No dish, no beer bottles. But some old food and it smelled really bad. I touch the table and there was a layer of fat all over it. Went to the bedrooms. We could choose since it was empty. We took C and D. The closets and desks were sooo dirty. The grey carpeted floor were full of pebbles. One of the bathrooms were horrible. The other one were ok. There was mould on one of the walls. Tore was horrified and said that he wanted to move somewhere else. I reminded him about our money problem and said that if we just moved in here, then I would spend the next few days to clean the place up. We finally accepted it and John calmed down.

I spent almost 60 hours in total on cleaning up the place. The whole kitchen/living room were covered in a layer of grease. I vacuumed one of the rooms twice and with special carpet cleaning powder stuff. With Jif and thick rubber gloves I cleaned window, desks, closets, bathroom and tv. After that I could finally move in the apt without shoes on.

Nice huh? And this was only the first 4 days in Cork.
Oh, the computer was broken by the way. Another lucky thing. The most expensive part of the computer broke, the graphics card. And we didn't have internet yet. But the apt was finally clean. Then the next chock comes. I'm standing in the kitchen when someone knocks on the door. I opens and a man and a woman enter.
They ask how I am and then they say "We're gonna have to move you on Wednesday". This was on Monday. I just sat down in the sofa with my head in my hands and said "And I'm just done with the cleaning here". I didn't want to move to another place. Not again. Another dirty student flat that I'd have to clean, and with students in it!

We spoke a bit and they asked if I wanted to take a look at a flat in Blackpool, they had a one-bedroom apt free there right now. Weird that they were so nice. But ok. I spoke to Tore and he was a bit suspicious since I didn't know who they were.

Anyway, our biggest problem now was to get internet. We needed John for that since he needed to get us user names and password, but we couldn't reach him. He finally answered and said he'd be there within half an hour. 75 min later he's still not there. We called again and then we met him on our way to his office and we started to talk.

We had been talking with the estate agency about only paying for one room since we could only use one room because the key to my room didn't work. John got a bit aggressive
"It states clearly that you pay per PERSON, not per room so you can't get discount here"
Tore: "That is not what we are saying, but.."
John: "Young man, I think you have a bit of an attitude problem"
Tore: "I think that was rude of you"
(I started to get pissed of right now, and it is not easy to get me really angry)
John: "You are two people and you have to pay for two"
Me: "That is not what we are saying! You do not know if I WANT to sleep in the same room as Tore. We don't have a choice right now since we just have one key. If we broke up, then I wouldn't want him to be able to snoop around my things! And therefore, WHY should we pay for two rooms when we can only use one?!"
(I was so angry that I could have killed him)
Then he turns to us and says: I was gonna be nice to you and give you internet today, but now I don't feel like it anymore. I'm off so I don't have too" and he starts to walk back to his office. ?? Both me and Tore just stops for a few seconds in chock. And then I explode:
"You gotta be kidding me?! So WHEN do you work? It says everywhere that we should call you on weekends and out of office hours, but you don't want to help us cause you don't feel like it?
"If you have any problems with this then you can talk to the estate agency"
"I can promise you I will!"

Me and Tore went back to our flat. I was so angry. Took me almost 10 min to calm down. Then it knocks on the door. I open, and John stands there and wants to apologize. He have the user names and passwords with him. We get the codes and he tries to explain that he is not himself and that he has never behaved like this before, jader jader.

We finally got our internet and everything was fine, but the day after I went to the estate agency and told them everything. Into detail. We also booked a viewing for the flat. Later Tuesday evening we went there. It was a nice top floor one bedroom flat with biig bathroom, with a bathtub!! Living room/kitchen was a bit small, but it was all new and top class. Nice tile floors throughout except for in the bedroom where we have a grey carpet. Since I said we, you might understand that we finally got it.

We discussed for hours later that evening, if we should or should not. But the chance to get a flat like that, so close to the city centre, with that modern standard and to the mere 850€/month would be slim to none. Blackpool is also very close to Apple and it is the only place where you can get broadband with 20mb! That is the fastest they have! Insane huh? So I am just telling you my dear Swedish friends: appreciate your quick,reliable and CHEAP broadband! We get our with tv for about 60€/month. But this company is the first of its kind. If we would go with any other of the big companys, we would have to pay around 240€/month for the same!!!

We moved in the 16th of July. And things are getting better. Now I just need to get a job and Tore need to get his pps-number and then we are fine.

I have been looking for so many jobs since I moved here, almost started to give up. And today I decided to send my cv to some recruitment companies and suddenly my phone called all the time. They had short interviews with me and asked me about what kind of jobs I want and what kind of experience etc. Between 4.30 and 5.30 I received 8 calls from different companies :)

And ONE of them offered me a job straight away. It's just for one day, but it's for a wedding as a waitress. At a five star hotel. That is super!! And if they are happy with me than they might get me a permanent job soon :) yey

And that is all right now. I have skipped a bit about the problem we've had with money and stuff, but that will hopefully sort itself. Otherwise, I don't know.

The importnant thing is that I am happy. And I think I am. I WILL be on Saturday, when I work as a waitress again. Miss that soo much.

I'll try to update this a bit more often so that you don't have so much to read :)

I love you my friends!

The Belfast story, del 3

Äntligen så flyttar vi om några veckor I alla fall. Jag har väntat länge på detta och för en månad sedan snart så slutade jag på mitt jobb. Nu är det bye bye Belfast och vi drar vidare till nästa stad, förhoppningsvis nästa land. Det har varit många erbjudanden för Tore, I många olika engelska städer, men han vill helst flytta från engelska öarna till Europa någonstans och därför har han inte tackat ja till dom. Han har sökt jobb i Tyskland, Frankrike och Spanien. För tillfället väntar vi svar på ett jobb från Valencia. Förhoppningsvis får vi veta idag om han får det eller inte. Om han får det så flyttar vi dit om 2½ vecka. Annars kommer han att tacka ja till ett jobb i Oxford och då flyttar vi om ungefär 3-4 veckor. Efter det så är det min tur att hitta ett jobb. Jag kan inte riktigt söka jobb eftersom jag inte vet var vi flyttar. Om vi flyttar till spanien hoppas jag bara att jag kan hitta ett jobb där jag inte behöver prata flytande spanska. Jag lär mig nog spanska fort, men jag kan inte jobba någonstans där de behöver det hela tiden. Det löser sig nog. Jag vill verkligen flytta utomlands någonstans, om jag flyttar dit så kommer kanske till och med min familj och hälsar på. Vet inte om jag vill att de ska hälsa på dock. Min syster och pappa, men mamma? Nä, henne klarar jag mig utan.


Fast då kommer vi till frågan mig och Tore. Vad är vi? Han är annorlunda än alla killar och jag har inget problem med att han inte firar ett halvår tillsammans eller att vi inte har något "datum", i alla fall inte nu, men älskar jag honom? Jo, jag tror det. Fast tillräckligt? Jag känner fortfarande ett behov ibland av att vara singel. Inte för att jag kan gå ut och dejta vem jag vill eller gå ut och supa på en nattklubb i hur slampiga klänningar som helst, men för att jag är en person som behöver "space". Tore är sådan också. Behöver "space". Jag tar hand om Karro's blommor medan hon är i Sverige och lånar också hennes lägenhet under hennes två veckor och jag känner bara hur skönt det är att vara själv. Saknar jag Tore? Jag vet inte. Det kommer kanske om någon dag eller något. Jag behöver nog bara vara ifrån honom lite. Vi har sovit ihop VARJE natt sen någon gång i september, och vi har inte varit ifrån varandra en enda dag. Vi har spenderat i stort sett all vår tid utanför jobbet ihop. Det är påfrestande och det kanske är anledningen till att vi bråkar och så. Jag är nog väldigt svår att leva med. Behöver mycket uppmärksamhet. Men det är inget som märks om man inte lever med mig. Om man bara ser varandra ibland så vill man vara i varandras sällskap och då ger man varandra uppmärksamhet. Så vår lösning kanske är att inte bo ihop. Eller att vi har jobb som har olika arbetstider vilket betyder att vi inte ser varandra hela tiden.


Jag såg fram emot att sova hos Karoline. Att få sova själv igen. Och det var underbart. Jag har saknat det. Tore och jag pratade om det dagen efter. Han sa "det var inte lika skönt som jag trodde att det skulle vara". Jag sa "det var mycket skönare än vad jag trodde att det skulle vara". Jag tror inte att det är så att jag bara väntade på att komma ifrån honom, utan bara att han förväntade sig mer. Jag förväntade mig att jag skulle få problem med att somna och att jag skulle sova oroligt eftersom jag visste att han inte skulle komma. Jag sov som en stock och var utvilad när jag vaknade. Sängen är såå skön även om den är lite mindre än vad jag är van vid nu. Fast då är jag ju van vid att jag sover på ena halvan också. Nu kan jag ju sova i en "hel" säng.


Det känns konstigt att vara i ett "seriöst" förhållande igen. För det är jag ju. Men jag har inget emot det. Jag gillar Tore, och tydligen så har jag fått hans mammas godkännande också vilket känns bra. Hon har enligt Tore hatat alla hans tidigare flickvänner. Det tog honom ganska lång tid innan han berättade för henne om oss, typ en månad eller något innan vi åkte till Norge så berättade han det eftersom han frågade om det var ok om jag följde med. Då hade vi ändå varit tillsammans "officiellt" i 4 månader. Men men, jag ska inte klaga. Det tog ganska lång tid innan jag berättade för mamma om Tore också. Jag menar, han ÄR ju norsk =)


Jag älskar norska, särskilt den dialekt som han talar. Den är för gullig och jag bara älskar när han pratar norska. Vi pratar ju engelska med varandra. Dels av vana, dels eftersom jag hade problem med att förstå vad han sa. =)

I vilket fall, jag tror inte på evig kärlek längre utan jag tar det som det kommer. Jag tror inte att det kommer att hålla mellan mig och Tore för evigt även om jag inte skulle ha något emot det. Vi är så olika att vi skulle kunna lära varandra saker och ta kål av varandra för en livstid. Men allt sådant får tiden utvisa. Som det är nu så väntar jag bara på att han ska få sitt utlåtande från jobbet i Valencia, förhoppningsvis flyttar vi dit. Då bleker jag mitt hår igen och blir en brun pepparkaka! För tillfället har jag ju mörkt brunt hår som jag därefter färgade mörkt rött. Det syns i solen...


Detta är det längsta jag någonsin har skrivit och jag vet inte om du ens orkar ta dig igenom en tiondel, men det är upp till dig. Jag delar upp det i tre delar så att du kan läsa en del i taget...


The Belfast story, del 2

Sen kom flytten upp till Belfast och på något sätt så blev jag ett par med Tore. Det var "hemligt" under ganska lång tid, ingen på jobbet visste något, inte ens vi visste vad vi gjorde eller vad vi var. Vi bodde ihop, sov ihop, hade sex ibland, handlade mat, lagade mat, åt ihop, gick ut och åt middag, han tog hand om mig när jag fick mitt stora anfall. Men officiellt var vi inte något alls. Jag förde halvt om halvt dagbok om mina tankar och kom till slut fram till att det var bra som det var. Vi var "något" men "inget". Det enda krav vi hade på varandra var att vi inte hade sex med någon annan. Låter som ett förhållande eller hur? "Inga krav", men inget sex med någon annan.. Det funkade bra för mig, jag hade inte någon lust att ragga killar iaf eftersom jag trivdes som singel.


Jag och Tore hade det bra I huset som vi bodde I. Men han blev kompis med Fredrik som också jobbade på GEM. Han pushade Tore till att de skulle flytta ihop. Tore ville det. Jag sa att det var en dålig idé och hade ingen lust att flytta med. Det var första gången vi diskuterade "oss". Han ville att jag skulle flytta med honom och Fredrik. Huset de hade hittat hade ett stort "master bedroom" med ensuite toalett och dusch plus två mindre sovrum. Fredrik och Tore bråkade om vem som skulle få det stora rummet. Vid ett tillfälle sa Tore "självklart ska VI ha det stora rummet". Det var första gången Tore nämnde oss som typ ett par.


Fredrik gav sig inte och sa att enda villkoret till att han skulle låta Tore få rummet var om vi gick ut officiellt och sa att vi var ett par. Jag fick panik. Under dessa månader hade jag genomgått många olika perioder med olika känslor, men jag hade slutligen kommit fram till att jag inte visste vad jag kände, att jag inte visste vad jag ville. Och att jag ville ta det lugnt och ta en sak I taget för att se vad som hände. Tore hade sagt samma sak. Och helt plötsligt ställdes allt på ända när Fredrik sa detta. Vi hade mindre än en vecka på oss att bestämma oss. Eller snarare, JAG hade mindre än en vecka på mig. Tore ville, men jag visste inte. Jag var fortfarande väldigt tveksam till flytten och ville inte riktigt flytta. Jag var fångad I en jobbig situation, med ett jobbigt beslut. Jag valde att gå "all-in" och bara hoppas på det bästa.


Det var konstigt I början. Att folk plötsligt skulle se oss som ett par. Jag var fortfarande inte säker på om jag valt rätt. Och jag tyckte inte om lägenheten. Den var jättefin, inget tvivel om saken, men jag ville inte bo där. Kände att det skulle bli jobbigt.


Jag hade rätt. Killarna var alldeles slobbiga och lämade smuts och skit efter sig överallt. Jag vill ha rent omkring mig och städade efter dom som en j-a städkärring. Jag mådde dåligt psykiskt och det var helt sjukt vad jag åt huvudvärkstabletter. Jag tappade även groteskt mycket hår. När jag var hos läkaren och pratade så sa han att han skulle kunna skriva ut migräntabletter, men att han snarare trodde att det berodde på någon sorts stress då riktig stress kan få en att tappa hår! Det var stressen hemma. Och Tore och jag började gräla eftersom jag ville att han skulle hjälpa till. Vi hade aldrig haft dessa problem tidigare. Jag trodde att jag valt fel. Varje gång vi bråkade fick han mig att må så psykiskt dåligt. Tills en vän berättade att det inte var mig det var fel på utan att Tore var manipulativ och lyckades vända om allt på mig. Det tog ett tag, men jag lärde mig att distansiera mig från detta och efter ännu mer träning så slutade jag att se smutsen och skiten överallt. Lägenheten såg ut som ett bombnedslag. Flera veckor gamla sopor, disk överallt, damm överallt, det klibbade när man gick över vardagsrumsgolvet osv. Men jag vägrade göra något, bara väntade på att killarna skulla göra något. Till slut gick någon ut med soporna.

Jag hatar Fredrik. Jag avskyr honom eftersom han är den äckligaste kille jag mött och eftersom han försökte köra upp fingrarna på ett väldigt intimt ställe när vi var ute och han var väldigt full. Han fyller 31 år iår. Han byter aldrig sängkläder. De sängkläder och täcke som han använder är mina. Jag bränner dom hellre än tar dom tillbaka. Han kan inte laga mat, vet inte vad städa är och är allmänt äcklig. Han har så höga krav på en tjej att han aldrig kommer att hitta en flickvän, kan förklara varför han bara har haft en. Men han har haft sex mellan 180 och 200 tjejer. Fråga mig inte hur. Han är ful och äcklig.


The Belfast story, del 1

Jag har bott utomlands I över 1½ år nu. Sjukt va? Jag har bott I två huvudstäder...även om jag inte vet om jag riktigt räknar Dublin och Belfast som två stora och viktiga huvudstäder. Men det är inte det viktig här. Jag har bott utomlands och jag har flyttat. Jag har vuxit upp. Hemma I Sverige har jag blivit tvångsutflyttad ur mitt rum och familjen har sedan nästan ett halvår bott på ett nytt ställe. Ett ställe som jag inte än har sett. Jag har inte sett någon I min familj förutom min syster på ca 10 månader. Min syster var här och hälsade på för 1½ månad sen. Det betydde mycket för mig. Visste inte hur mycket jag saknat henne förrän jag träffade henne. Min pappa har jag viss kontakt med via sms ibland och sp. Mamma har jag inte pratat med på flera månader. Jag verkar ha ett ganska kyligt förhållande till min familj. Mina vänner jag har här, de jag hade I Dublin, I alla fall tjejerna hade kontakt med sina mammor eller familj varje vecka, flera av dom hade daglig kontakt med någon I sin familj. Ofta mamma. När jag berättar att jag inte har pratat med min egen mamma på flera månader så lyfter de på ögonbrynen, ser chockade ut och vill krama mig. Det behöver de inte göra. Jag och mamma har inte något mor-dotter förhållande. De enda gångerna mamma hör av sig till mig är om jag ber henne och då hör hon av sig om hon känner att hon "har tid". En gång I höstas när jag ringde henne och behövde prata så sa hon efter fem min "jag kan inte prata mer, Efterlyst börjar nu". Då hade jag inte pratat med min mamma på två månader. Den andra gången jag hörde av mig till henne var när jag var riktigt sjuk här för två månader sedan, det var sent på kvällen och eftersom Belfast inte har några jouröppna apotek så kunde jag inte få tag på något febernedsättande eller mot min riktigt svåra hosta. Så jag fick turligt nog tag på min syster på msn som hämtade mamma. Vi pratade alltså över msn och jag försökte bara fråga om råd om hur man får ner febern, du vet som man gör med en mamma.


Det enda hon gjorde var att prata om sina problem och om att jag behövde åka till sjukhuset direkt eftersom jag skulle kunna få status epilepticus vilket är konstanta krampanfall, vilket är dödligt. När jag vägrade och sa att jag lovade åka morgonen därpå om febern var lika hög så anklagade hon mig för att göra henne så orolig att hon inte skulle kunna sova. Att hon bara skulle sitta och tänka på mig och hoppas att jag inte skulle dö. Hon var full. Det var sist jag pratade med henne. Någon gång innan min syster kom hit. Min syster var här I slutet av februari, så runt 2½ - 3 månader sen.


På min födelsedag förra året, 19:e September, fick jag en present av min kollega Gunnar. Han gav mig ett kinderegg, choklad och en studs boll. Senare fick jag en present via post av Ann-Sophie, min ex-pojkväns mamma. Det var de enda presenterna jag fick. Inget av min familj, jag fick dock ett grattis sms av pappa. I julas fick jag en julklapp av Tore, och även av Ann-Sophie. Min syster gav mig en julklapp när hon kom I februari. Men annars fick jag inga julklappar från någon I min familj. Jag pratade inte med någon av dom på nyår, fick ett nyårs sms av pappa dock.


Det känns bara fel. Jag blev så glad båda gångerna som jag fick breven och presenterna från Ann-Sophie eftersom jag kände att det verkligen var någon som brydde sig att jag fick tårar I ögonen. Jag saknar henne och Andreas systrar. Andreas I sig klarar jag mig bra utan, men hans systrar... Hans syster tar studenten om en knapp månad. Tänkte skicka en present till henne. Ett halsband eller något.


Åter till Belfast. Jag har haft det bra här. Relativt. Tror att jag trivdes bättre I Portmarnock dock. Jag gillade mitt jobb mer, även om jag älskade mina kollegor här. Jag älskar dock servitrisyrket och jag tycker om att gå upp tidigt på morgonen. Jag tror att jag älskar Tore, även om han är en kille som jag troligen aldrig skulle ha blivit med om det inte varit för dessa omständigheter. Vi är för olika, undrar om vi har något gemensamt egentligen.

Jag hade ett förhållanden mestadels av min tid I Portmarnock, men det gjorde mig inget, jag kände mig trygg I det. När Andreas gjorde slut med mig så sattes hela min värld I gungning. Jag visste inte riktigt vad jag skulle ta mig till. För det första hade jag ett krossat hjärta och för det andra så var jag ensam för första gången på jag vet inte hur länge. Visst, jag var singel I ungefär tre månader mellan Göran och Andreas, men då hade jag fortfarande kontakt med Alex, så helt ensam var jag inte. Det betyder att senast jag var singel, var när jag var 14. Ganska många år sedan. Det var en helt ny värld och mitt första intryck var att jag inte tyckte om den. Det tog mig ett halvår innan jag kom över Andreas helt och äntligen började trivas som singel på riktigt. Visst, jag hade ju "levt" som singel under hela min tid utomlands, bott själv, tagit hand om mig själv osv, men I mitt huvud och så hade jag ju varit upptagen. När jag insåg hur skönt det var att vara själv och att jag hade hel kontroll över mitt eget liv så gav jag mig själv ett tyst löfte om att vara singel under en lång period. Jag ville inte ha en pojkvän, men jag dejtade och hade kul. Ingen harm I det, eller hur?


From Norway 'til now...

I was in Norway a few weeks ago. I loved it. Norway is soo beautiful. Am seriously thinking about moving there. Tromsö is one of the most beautiful places I have been to. Tores moter lives about 4 hours by bus from Tromsö. We had to cross two fjords to get there. They live in one. Or do you say beside one? Anyhow, I took about 700 photos during my 10 days. That is a lot of photos! I was soo lazy. We didn't do much. We were eating, sleeping, watching movies in their own home cinema thing with a 52" plasma and surround system stuff and the most comfie armchairs ever!


We took a walk while we were there, and I forced him to make a snow angel AND I took a photo, I promised tho, not to show anyone =) yeah right... It was about -15 degrees Celsius and I looke like a Michelin in all the clothes, but I wasn't freezing. It was great! We were out for about 2½ hours, and I took photos and just enjoyed the views and the fresh air.


I am born in Stockholm, in a suburb, but still, in a big city. There are always sounds, cars, neighbours, trains, etc etc. When we were out in the mountain I just stood there quiet, and I heard nothing. No cars, no trains, nothing at all. Not even birds. I almost got nervous. I am not used to the quiet. Or the fresh air. You took a breath, and you could FEEL the freshness. I just stood there like a dork, breathing and listening to nothing. Tore got impatient. He is used to this. The tap water they have is not filtered, it comes straight from the mountain river and it is clean. It is like drinking the bottled water you buy in the stores, except that you get it for free. His mom and her husband offered us wine every evening, but we just drank water, and milk. You can get the wine in Belfast if you look, but the milk is disgusting here. And the tap water? It is full of chlorine, and it is probably hazardous in some way or another. So we drank water.


I finally met his relatives, and they were soo nice, especially his uncle. He was soo funny! He was exactly like a Swedish norrlänning except that he spoke Norwegian! =)

And luckily it seemt that I got his mums approval. And the relatives. They will let me come back again.

Don't know if I told you about the problems we experienced when we flew to Tromsö but we had the same problems on our way home, I will tell you now =)


Ok, so we wake up at 4 am in Belfast. We get to the airport and everything is fine. Except for the fact that we are waiting for a passenger for over half an hour! So we are half an hour late when we land in Amsterdam. That meant that we only had about 20 min to get to our flight to Oslo, on the other side of the Terminal. And we had to get trough the security control again! We were soo stressed and the airport personnel were soo unfriendly! The flight steward told us they would probably escort us to our gate since we were delayed, so we spoke to the staff when we got off the plane. No, they wouldn't help us, wouldn't even tell us where our gate was!

We had to run. We ran to the security check point, the queue was insane! We now had 5 min to get to our gate and we were in the middle of the terminal. Our gate was in the end of course. I went to the fast lane for business class and spoke to the security staff. They just looked at me like I was stupid. I told them we were delayed and that we had to get to our gate now. They looked at me and took our passports. I think they took longer time than they had to on purpose just to piss me off. I worked. "We ARE in kind of a hurry, you know!" I said and stared at one of them. They let us through.


We came to our gate and Tore went to the staff to explain, and they told him. You are not boarding yet. Not in another 40 min! Huh?! It said clearly on the screens that we were boarding, but no. So we had stressed for nothing!


I was exhausted when we finally got to Oslo. The day after we were flying up to Tromsö and that was an experience as well.

We were late in the morning since we were both so tired. Missed the first airport train, but luckily we took the train after. It was a bit tight tho, since our check-in was closing about 5 min after us arriving, if the train arrived on time. But Tore told me not to worry, 99% of the trains arrived on time. But not ours. Of course! Their was a technical problem with the thing the train is driving on, so we had to go the "old way" which took 20 min longer! We were so stressed when we arrived and ran up to our desk, just 25 min late for check-in...

We didn't have to worry. Our plane was delayed two hours. Stressful two days!

On our way home, we didn't hit any problems until we were in Amsterdam. We thought we were in a hurry this time as well, but no. It was 20 min delayed. That's great! But no, suddenly it was an hour delayed. And then 2 hours delayed. In the end the plane was 3½ hours delayed and we arrived to Belfast International around 1am in the morning.


That was a loooong story.


Finally back in Belfast, the job hunt began. I had my last 2½ weeks at work and Tore started to look for jobs everywhere. I haven't been able to look for a job since I am going where he is going and it is quite easy for me to get a job in a restaurant wherever I go. Especially since it is going towards high season now. For a while it seemed like we were going to France, or maybe Germany. He have had a lot of offers here in UK, but he have turned them down since he wants to leave the English islands. I want to leave them too. The weather is horrible and I just don't know what to do. The system with medication and stuff is good tho. I get my epilepsy meds free, which I don't even get in Sweden. I don't know how that works in other countries. When I am writing this Tore am waiting for the results for a job in Valencia, Spain. If he gets that job, then we'll move within 2½ weeks. If not, we most likely move to Oxford within 3-4 weeks. I really hope he gets the job in Spain. Remember I said last year I wanted to go and work in Spain this summer? What if my dream comes trough but not the way I expected. It would be soo cool! Otherwise I will be happy in Oxford. It is a beautiful city with a lot of history.


Hmm, what more have happened? I am right now living in Karoline's apartment, my Swedish friend and ex-colleague since she is home on holiday in Smögen for 2 weeks. It is nice to get some time of from my lovely boyfriend and just be alone. Really need some space. AND, I don't have internet which means I can't play wow, which I think is a good thing since I developed a bit of an addiction there for a while... I liked it tho... =)


Ok, end of my story. Hopefully it will be published on my blogg very soon.


Love you guys, you know that! And sorry my nice non-swedish friends for the three thingies I've written in Swedish, it is kind of my Belfast story, but in Swedish for my friends who don't understand English..And my English/Brittish/American friends, pardon my bad grammar =)


In Northern Norway, there was this Swedish girl...

I have been in Norway since Thursday now. Ok, that is a week. It has been the laziest week ever! I have been doing nothing but watching movies, enjoying the views, eating deer and sleeping. I can now proudly say that I probably have eaten deer in all ways possible, even dried deer meat...Yummy...NOT!

Weird Norwegian people, eating dried deer meat as a kind of snack...that is what happens to people to live all alone up in zhe mountainz =) No, but really, they are great. I LOVE Norwegian people...I am thinking about converting to one, if possible. I speak Swedish to Tores mother and her husband, and they all speak Norwegian to me, and most of the time it is ok, but there are times when I don't understand a word they are saying. I mean, they ARE speaking this weird northern dialekt...but it is soooo fun to listen to Tore when he is talking to his friends. And the words they are using, the are soooo fun!

Anyhow, we are in a small small village kind of thingy called Sörstraumen, it is supposed to be a Norwegian ö, but my keyboard wont let me...and it is about 5 hours by car from Tromsö. IT IS FAR FAR UP NORTH!

We have had beautiful weather here the last few days, some snow and sunshine and just about -5 degrees. That is ok, as long as you are inside...I do not have any winter clothes with me...and it is FREEZING! But I like it, the air is SOOO fresh here. It is insane, you can FEEL that the air is unpolluted and clean. Also, the tap water is coming straight from the mountain, no boiling or adding stuff to it. Just plain water. And it taste so good! I have been drinking litres of water here, just because of the taste. I LOVE it!

I wish I could move here. I hope I will be able to in the future. Or at least have a house. On Saturday morning we are living for Tromsö. We are staying there for a night so that I can see a little bit of that town as well. It is a beautiful city and we will stay at "Ishavshotellet" I think it is called.

I've had a great time here, I wish I could stay forever. Do you know what I did today? I woke up, stayed in bed for another hour or two before eating breakfast around 13.00. Took a shower and since my dear boyfriend have been playing WoW the whole day, I have spent the day watching the serie "Las Vegas". think I saw about 8 episodes or something today..it wasn't that much. And between that and now, we had dinner. A superb steak with bearnaise sauce and deep fried potatoes. Oh, and after that we took a bath or whatever you say, in the jacuzzi...that was great. And then back to the sofa to watch tv... =D

Oh, and I have been playing some WoW myself as well. Right now I am waiting for my boyfriend to get back home since he left 1½ ago to pick up a friend who was at a nightclub...The closest night club is 45 min away by car, and of course, there are NO buses. So Tores friend Raymond called and asked if he could pick him up...It did upset me a little bit since we were supposed to go to bed and since Raymonds car only has two seats, I couldn't come with Tore. Anyhow, he said he'd be back in an hour, and I knew he never would, so now, after 1½ hour, I will go to bed...and hopefully he survived the trip and will be home soon...

Love you guys, must say that I don't miss home that much anymore...I mean, they practically have everything that we have...but a lot of it is (I am sorry to tell you) better... ☺

Many kisses

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