Late night worrying
I am worrying. About the stuff that is left up in Belfast. There is a bag and a box with my and Tore's stuff and I know that our friend is moving out of the flat during the next few days. I wonder what they will do to the things if I have not picked them up before they move. I will text our friend and ask if he can bring them to his new place and I'll promise I will get up next weekend. I will try to explain that I have been in the hospital and needed this weekend to recover.
I am a bit disappointed that Tore has not been up as he promised, but I am not surprised. That is the sad truth.
He seems to not care at all what happens to the things we have there. Mine AND his. But that is how it is with everything. He don't really seem to care a lot about stuff that is important to me. I know that he came to the hospital while I was there and brought me stuff, and I love him for that, but can't he just keep another promise once in a while? Or am I just completely blind and he does actually keep his promises?
I am up this late since I have a headache. I spoke to Tore when I came in from my midnight walk and he said that he would come to bed within half an hour. I have heard that before. I was out in the living room an hour later, since I didn't want to go to bed before him. Can be nice to go to bed at the same time for once (have happened one time in the last 2 months) and he just said that I had only been gone for 30 min and refused to believe me. Anyway, he got annoyed and I went back to reading in the bedroom and came out another hour later. Then he got almost angry. I probably get upset over nothing, but it feels like I don't have more energy left for this.
He complains that I want attention all the time, he DO give me attention, but not for more than 5, maybe 10 min in a row. I would prefer just having a few hours with his whole attention, watching a movie, "talk" (not the serious kind, just normal chatting), making dinner together, take a walk, play in bed ;) but he does not have time. He is tired and it is his "day off" so he can't do ANYTHING, especially not help me clean up the mess or wash some clothes.
He IS working eleven hours at work, I KNOW that, but I work as well, and I still come home and clean and make dinner et cetera. I AM tired, but I take that time anyway. I feel like I am the housewife with a cigarett in one hand, this disgusting round things in my hair and an ugly robe with old slippers. The typical nagging bitch. Have we been married for 20 years already? That is how I feel right now.
No intimacy, no conversations, no doing stuff together. He sits up to 6 in the morning, and complains and try to send me to bed if I am up longer than 12. I understand he want some private time, but where am I supposed to sit? In the bedroom doing nothing? My laptop is in the kitchen/living room and that is where I have to keep it.
I guess I am just that nagging bitch after all. I am trying not to be. I really do. I am trying to not annoy him with my presence. Sick isn't it?
I was the most outgoing happy girl ever before I met him and moved in with him. I have grown up, and I do not blame him for anything. I have not been wanting to go out for a long time, but I also know that when I have, he has always been there to make me feel guilty when I get home late and is tipsy or drunkish...
I am trying to make friends here. I am starting to get a few. Not any close ones though, I am quite sick of getting close friends since I know that they will leave (or I) sooner or later. Often sooner. I am gonna try to go out and have fun in the weekends now. But I want to see him sometimes. We do not see each other, Wednesday to Saturday since he is working so it is natural that I want to do something with him. Fuck this! I am just complaining...and it is late and I have a headache. You know I love this guy, sometimes I wonder why, but he makes me happy =) all couples have ups and downs.
I am planning to go down to the city centre tomorrow and have lunch, we decided to go together, but I can tell you that there is a 99% chance that he will come up with an excuse not to go...I'll tell you later =)
Now I am gonna try to get to sleep...
I am a bit disappointed that Tore has not been up as he promised, but I am not surprised. That is the sad truth.
He seems to not care at all what happens to the things we have there. Mine AND his. But that is how it is with everything. He don't really seem to care a lot about stuff that is important to me. I know that he came to the hospital while I was there and brought me stuff, and I love him for that, but can't he just keep another promise once in a while? Or am I just completely blind and he does actually keep his promises?
I am up this late since I have a headache. I spoke to Tore when I came in from my midnight walk and he said that he would come to bed within half an hour. I have heard that before. I was out in the living room an hour later, since I didn't want to go to bed before him. Can be nice to go to bed at the same time for once (have happened one time in the last 2 months) and he just said that I had only been gone for 30 min and refused to believe me. Anyway, he got annoyed and I went back to reading in the bedroom and came out another hour later. Then he got almost angry. I probably get upset over nothing, but it feels like I don't have more energy left for this.
He complains that I want attention all the time, he DO give me attention, but not for more than 5, maybe 10 min in a row. I would prefer just having a few hours with his whole attention, watching a movie, "talk" (not the serious kind, just normal chatting), making dinner together, take a walk, play in bed ;) but he does not have time. He is tired and it is his "day off" so he can't do ANYTHING, especially not help me clean up the mess or wash some clothes.
He IS working eleven hours at work, I KNOW that, but I work as well, and I still come home and clean and make dinner et cetera. I AM tired, but I take that time anyway. I feel like I am the housewife with a cigarett in one hand, this disgusting round things in my hair and an ugly robe with old slippers. The typical nagging bitch. Have we been married for 20 years already? That is how I feel right now.
No intimacy, no conversations, no doing stuff together. He sits up to 6 in the morning, and complains and try to send me to bed if I am up longer than 12. I understand he want some private time, but where am I supposed to sit? In the bedroom doing nothing? My laptop is in the kitchen/living room and that is where I have to keep it.
I guess I am just that nagging bitch after all. I am trying not to be. I really do. I am trying to not annoy him with my presence. Sick isn't it?
I was the most outgoing happy girl ever before I met him and moved in with him. I have grown up, and I do not blame him for anything. I have not been wanting to go out for a long time, but I also know that when I have, he has always been there to make me feel guilty when I get home late and is tipsy or drunkish...
I am trying to make friends here. I am starting to get a few. Not any close ones though, I am quite sick of getting close friends since I know that they will leave (or I) sooner or later. Often sooner. I am gonna try to go out and have fun in the weekends now. But I want to see him sometimes. We do not see each other, Wednesday to Saturday since he is working so it is natural that I want to do something with him. Fuck this! I am just complaining...and it is late and I have a headache. You know I love this guy, sometimes I wonder why, but he makes me happy =) all couples have ups and downs.
I am planning to go down to the city centre tomorrow and have lunch, we decided to go together, but I can tell you that there is a 99% chance that he will come up with an excuse not to go...I'll tell you later =)
Now I am gonna try to get to sleep...
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