Bad girl, Erika!
I'm renting a car with Charlie on sunday, and we're going to Galway and to Belfast together. He will help me move. That's nice of him. Thank god I have guys who likes me. Ok, I know, I'm a REALLLY bad girl who's using both of them, but I mean, you wouldn't say much if I was a guy, would you? And anyway I'm a beautiful girl, I can use that sometimes.
I'm looking forward to get up to Belfast now and to start working, but we'll see if I like it or not. I decided anyway that I'll probably take a Bartending Course next spring, I mean, why not?
Ok, I have sooooo many things I want to tell you, but I don't have the time. Talk to you later!!!
Lots of love from me!
Party, Belfast, bartending...
I'm moving in 8 days. Yey! That will be fun! I'm really looking forward to it. But I need to solve the problems with the guys I'm dating. I don't want to date them, that's the sad truth. I want to go up there with no strings attached. I'm sick of being someones "property". I'll try to find a way not to hurt them though. Justin invited me to Chicago, and I think I will actually go there later this year. I mean, why not? I have somewhere to stay for free, and he's a fun guy. We'll see what happens.
Oh, I have a new plan for next year by the way... I think I will go a bartender course, to get a certificate, and then I can get a job in a nightclub! That would be sooo much fun! Ok, don't think that's just a "new" thing I got in my mind. Maybe it is, but right now I want to do it. I mean, I want to get out most of my life right now, try different things. I will work in the computer company a while now, maybe just a month, like at Brown Thomas. You never know. But I will have a little experience from working with that, and maybe I realise that's what I wanna do in my life?
Ok, I have to go now, because I need to go to Brown Thomas and take a look at the roster. Don't know when I'm working tomorrow...
Soo long my friends!
A fit in the stockroom...
I got a fit yesterday...I was working at Brown Thomas, actually I had just finished and I was talking to one of the guys working there. Good looking guy as the matter of fact... And suddenly I started to wake up, laying on the floor, with my head among shoeboxes...I didn't remember anything, or what I was doing there. I think it was the worst time in a long time, when it comes to confusion after. And he sat there, held me down and spoke to me. They were all so nice. I saw one of the women holding my Brown Thomas ID and I got angry and wondered why. "Because you're in the stockroom, and you're working here...
It was scary. The ambulance came and helped me down to the ambulance. It was raining! In the ambulance I got oxygen and we discussed and decided that I didn't have to go to the hospital. So I went back in to the store, and sat there, with Neil or Niall or how you now spell his name, and all the others who were there to help me.
Neil offered to follow me in the taxi. I don't know why, but it was nice of him. I like him. The taxi driver was mad, and drove like an insane. I told him I was nauseous and asked him to take it slow, but he didn't care. And as soon as the car stopped outside Elins house, I went out and threw up. A lot. I don't think Neil thinks that I'm hot anymore...(one of the supervisors told me, he said I was)
And I went in, Elin took care of me and I went to sleep. For fourteen hours. I woke up this morning with bruises everywhere, but I feel ok. I've finally decided to move up to Belfast, so we'll see what happens. I'm looking for accomodation right now... Have to go home now though, for a rest...
Talk to you soon...
Belfast or not? Got the job!
Interesting. And if I'm looking at myself in the mirror...I look very scandinavian. I'm cute. =)
Had the phone interview with GEM today as well. I was nervous! But it went well and they said they would call me later this afternoon to tell me if the interview was successful or not. (Do i spell it like that) Anyway, they called me less than 15 min later and told me that they have a job offer for me if I want to accept. And I was happy to accept. So the 3d of September I start my new job, up in Belfast. So that I can leave my resignation and move up there. It will be fun. So I'm finally moving!! I'm a little nervous!
And what am I gonna do with Austin and Charlie? I'm in trouble...But I will tell you about yesterdays trip to Kilkenny. We had so much fun. I was tired though, because I was sitting up with Charlie 'til 3 in the morning. At 9.30 we left Dublin and around half 11 we were there.
We ate lunch looking out over the castle and then we went for the art exhibition. It was the first time for me, and it was cool! Apparently it was a festival, so there were like 20 different exhibitions around Kilkenny centre. We saw five or six of them. It was a great day.
We went in to the Kilkenny Castle and walked along the river. So beautiful...And then he brought me to St. Janice's Church. That church has a tower, a BIG tower! And it's one of two in Ireland that you can actually climp up into. So we went into the tower, and I saw the ladders...And the only thing I said for the 100 steps were "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die" It was scary! But when we finally reached the top and went outside, it almost took my breath away. It was soo beautiful. You could se everywhere! And we were standing there taking photos and hugging each other. Very cute. Kilkenny is beautiful! They have the Smithwicks Factory down there!
Anyway, the weather was weird, rain, sun, rain, sun, thunder, sun, rain...but it was fun.
The bus home was really funny! I think that everybody on that bus just wanted us to die...we were laughing and talking... He's cute. He's in Germany now. For ten days. That's good I think. I need some time to think.
He text me yesterday and sad that he "is mad about me" and later that day, Charlie told me that "I have feelings for you.."
OH, MY GOD! What am I gonna do? I'll take one step at a time.
Now, sitting here, they actually called from Merrion hotel and had a short interview with me. And they have a vacancy for me in the bar... A five star hotel in Dublin city centre. WHY??? WHEN I FINALLY DECIDE, then this great opportunity comes up! Hate it! So think about, AGAIN!
Whatever, I'm going shopping now!
Surprise surprise!
The company in Belfast gave me a test to complete within 15 minutes. I was nervous, but I got a call a few minutes ago that I passed.
The probem is...that I actually signed for the job at Belfast earlier today. So there's trouble everywhere now. No, but they want an interview with me on monday and then we;ll see. I'll sort it out somehow. I will talk to them or something. Now I have the weekend in front of me and I look forward to it. Except that it's raining again. You know, I CAN'T actually understand that there is that amount of water in the atmosphere! It would be gone by now!
I'm happy anyhow. My life is sorted even if I don't get the job up in Belfast and that feels good. But I can't plan to move out until I know what I'm gonna do. So I'll wait another few days.
And hopefully I'll go out with this gorgeous guy tonight. Seems like he have to study though, and will be late, so I said, maybe it's better to take it next week. I don't actually care if I go out with him or not, so whatever. But I'm busy the rest of the weekend so I can't see him.
I was walking through Dublin today, and I realised how many people who actually stared at me. In a good way, of course... =) No, and then I just felt that "WHY, should I be in a relationship?" I felt so free, that the world just layed open in front of me...and nothing could stop me from doing what I want. The secret is to expect nothing less than you want...
I can get whoever I want. Why should I just take the first I meet? No way! I like my life as single! (I never ever ever thought I would say that)
Now I'm going to buy myself a gorgeous top, that I can wear either tonight for my date with James, or whenever I'll see him!
I also realised how much I like to be shallow! Not a bimbo, would never play dumb, but shallow. That's fun. I'm the Diva! Shoudn't I be?
Of course I haven't changed, but people who don't know me, who see me walking down the street....
Love ya!
Sunshine over Dublin!
And I went with him to work this morning. He works extra at an plant nursery...Cool. Soo beautiful. We actully got woken up by a phonecall this morning, at 7 am! His father called, just to tell him that they missed their flight to Berlin. The funny thing is...that they'd actually been at the airport since 11pm last night, and they STILL managed to miss the plane. I have no idea how you can do that...Irish people... =)
I'm calling to a company today that've told me that they probably have a job for me in Belfast as a Technical Agent for Messenger...Would be quite cool and it's well paid. Hope I'll get it. I want to move from Dublin, even though Austin have shown me a lot of beautiful places the last few days..
Oh, wanna know something fun? No? Whatever, I'll tell you anyway...I was out for a few drinks with Charlie the other day and we ended up at this nightclub. It was cool, but he was sooo drunk. Suddenly he was gone. AGAIN! But I didn't actually mind because I shared table with a group of italian guys and they were sooo funny!
And when I went out looking for Charlie I met these two girls, Debbie and Claire. And we had fun together! Debbie was talking to this guy, James. The best looking irish guy I've ever seen! I told him that, of course... And he is single!
He study law, has played against Federer in tennis, is 25 years old and has this ybersexy body...He got my number. I don't really care if he calls me or not, but the fact that HE asked for my number...cool.
Otherwise I'm as happy as usual. I'm having fun and I love my life. I'm just happy that I actually have the opportunity to live my life as I want to. And I might end up with Austin for a while. I like that guy. That's the story for now.
Love you all!
Oh, the sun has been shining over Dublin for TWO WHOLE DAYS now. People are like mad!
Who should I go for? And should I go to Belfast?
In bigger trouble. Now both of them have shown their affection of me.
The french guy, Charlie, told me he likes me, he is kissing me, hugging me, holding me. I don't stop him. Am I a bad person?
The irish guy, Austin, told me yesterday, that he felt bad about leaving the country because I was here. He said it in a very serious way, and then to minimize the damage he thought he'd made he said "but we've only just met.."
So I'm in trouble, big trouble. And I still don't know what I want. I have a new job offer up in Belfast and I think I might take that. I don't want to live here, I really don't. But still I start to feel a little bad about leaving the guys, but if I don't want them it doesn't matter anyway.
I have to think about it. I'm gonna call the job in Belfast and there's another one that will call me. As technical support in swedish...very well paid and working 40 hours mon-fri. You will work 8 hours between 8am and 8pm, they have a pool table and videogames and things like that in the staff lunch areas...Cool, huh?
And they will help you relocate up to Belfast because their head office is here in Dublin. That's great! And they'll find you accomodation and everything. We'll see.
Now I have to go. I may go for a date with Matiss, the latvian ex-colleague of mine. And tomorrow I'm supposed to go out with Paul, finally. We'll see about that. I think I don't want a relationship right now, i just want to enjoy my freedom, but I'm not sure. They're great guys, both of them...
I had a busy weekend...I was out with Austin on friday, and with Charlie on saturday evening. We went to a great nightclub. Sunday it was raining so I never saw Austin, me and Charlie went to cinema and saw "Transformers" again. I love it!! And yesterday I was out at a pub with Austin again. Tonight I'm going out with Charlie, and I don't know the schedule for the rest of the week but I'm going to Kilkenny with Austin on sunday to see an glass exhibition that opens on saturday. That'll be cool!
What can I say? I'm a busy girl...
Two dates in one day...
I'm a girl who's working at Brown Thomas now. Very posh. And I'm good at it. So I look like one of those girls now. Perfect make-up, perfect hair...and perfect smile. I was born with that though...
Ok, my ego haven't been this big ever I think... "Why now, Erika?"
Well, I'm kind of dating two guys...and I'm going for my date with the third guy next week...
Ok, I know I'm in big trouble! I know, I know!
I've been out with Austin twice now, and I like him. He's nice, we have fun together. He's SOO not my type. Maybe that's a good thing? He's turning 27 in october. God, he's OLD! He wants +3 kids, he has six sisters and brothers! He's non-catholic and smokes occasionally when he's drinking. Oh, he lives in Rathfarnham in a beautiful house, close to horses and he is a glassblower... I slept at his place on our first date, he didn't even kiss me. He kissed me on our second date, last night. We were at "The Village" a cool pub/nightclub. (He's 6 feet 4, how tall is that in cm?)
I haven't been on an official date with Charlie. That's the french guy that's renting a room in John's and Elins house. But we've been out eating lunch together, and two days ago we sat up, talking 'til 3 in the morning. Suddenly he kissed me. He's turning 23 in october... He's french, and a chef. Non-catholic, but a smoker. We talk and talk and laugh. He's cool. He said something that scared me though. "You're different from other girls, so easy to talk to. And you laugh and smile all the time. I haven't felt like this before" HUH? Did I get that right? Ok, I refused to analyse that. The morning after, before he went to work, he kissed me again And yesterday we were talking about smoking. I said that none of my former boyfriends have been smokers. "So I am the first one then" WHAT?? Did I misunderstand that?
I'm scared, but HE DO KNOW that I'm dating Austin...So he can't be serious, can he?
Anyway, I'm meeting Paul next week. I'm looking forward to that, but I know that I'm in trouble. Austin is a great guy, and I think he might like me. We're going out tomorrow again. During the day, because tomorrow evening I'm going to the cinema with Charlie. Austin wants a serious relationship, I think Charlie might want that as well. And I don't know if I'm in love with any of them...I have to find that out soon, otherwise I will only hurt them...
God, what have I gotten myself in to? Anyway, that's why my ego is so big right now. You would have that as well if you had to nice guys after you, and a third on the way. All showing you their affection... And I have missed all the compliments...I hear it from customers now "You have such intense eyes. They're amazing" Came from a woman who bought shoes for 1780 euro from me...
I don't know if I like working there. But the guests have been nice. And I have a pair of red Marc Jacobs that're waiting for me in the stockroom now. They're 365 euro.... But I do love them! And I WILL get 25 % off. Thank god for that! I will stay for a few months maybe, and then I'll decide what to do. I love my new colleagues, feels like I've known a few of them for years...
I'm sorry, but I have to go now. Need to get home so I can get ready for tonight. I'm going out partying with Charlie... Bloody french! But he's very cute!
Anyway, the cold swedish beauty with the big ego is taking a walk home now...I'll probably end up with someone else. I don't want a relationship...(if he's not rich ;) Paul is though...)
Love you guys!!
Prada, Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana, mmmmm.... =)
Ok, so I have finally decided to stay, but that means I need to find a room somewhere. And that can be a little bit harder. I can of course stay at Elins and Johns but it feels wrong you know. This week is ok, because Elin is in Sweden but after that I need somewhere to move. And it's hard. I don't want to live to far away because it's not worth it to buy a buscard.
We'll see what happens. I don't want to share a room, that's the problem. You know, I want to have some privacy. But then I probably have to move out of town a little bit. We'll see what I can find. Anyway, I have to go now. I'm going to Portmarnock with Charlie, that's gonna be fun I think.
Ok, so long my dear friends. Have to go...
French, Irish, Irish or Spanish?
I got the job. I'm gonna start my job on thursday if everything goes well on my final interview. Apparently they have a person who interviews all new people at Brown Thomas, and they have to accept me as an employee, otherwise I won't get the job, even if a certain department already have given me the job... Complicated? Yeah, I know.
Anyway, that means that I REALLY have to decide whether I'm gonna stay here or not. Do I want to? I have no idea. It's such a big city, and I want to move to Belfast. I really think I want to move to Belfast. But I have a problem. I will come back to that later, now I will tell you about last night....
We went to a pub called "The Hairy Lemon". Cool pub, no tourists, that was nice. We were drinking and chatting, having fun. I had a text conversation with Manuel and I promised him to show up at the house party later. We went to Temple Bar to say hi to Nina, a swedish girl who's working in a coffe shop. She had already gone home when we arrived so we went to the pub where John and his friend Paul was waiting. I went in, and within 5 minutes I had seen a penis, been told not to tattoo weirdos on my shoulders, that I was worthy dying for and that I was gorgeous...
BIG TRAUMA!!!! Two guys me at the bar stopped me. They looked nice, not creepy or anything. One guy said "Look at this" And I took a look at the other guys very very pale legs. I was shocked because he was just standing in underwear. Then his friend suddenly pulled the other guys thing out!!! CHOCK!! I actually thought I was gonna faint! And then the guy just turned around and made a g-string of his underwear so I could see his even whiter butt! And then I ran! And I will NEVER EVER EVER go in to that bar AGAIN!
We took a taxi to the house party, it was in Drumcondra. Manuel came an met us. The house was totally packed with people. It was quite a big house, but you were standing packed like herrings =) and every second person passing us were smoking a joint...
There were mostly irish people there, and spanish. They were fun. Met a really fun guy called John. Around half three we left though, because Elin and Jonas had to go up at 6...their plane were leaving at 8.30 this morning. She's in Sweden on holiday for a week. I'm gonna miss her.
And today...Woke up at 12. John and Paul left to play pool or something. It was only me and Charlie at home. That's the french guy who's renting their room...He's veeery cute by the way. =) And I asked him if he wanted to take a walk with me, because the sun was actually shining... And we ended up for a 3 and a half hour long walk, with a included lunch at a nice restaurant...We had fun. And there we have the problem....He's very cute. I like him.
And tomorrow we're going to Portmarnock and Malahide together...He haven't been there before so I promised to take him there if it wasn't raining. And then we might go to the cinema. He insisted on paying for our lunch...
Still I'm texting to Austin. I'm really looking forward to see him. He's at some Music Festival in West Meath, with like country music, gospel and things like that. I think. Someone called Ricky Skagg and Blind boys of Alabama...Heard of them? Me neither. He's cute. And I think that Paul should be back in Ireland today or tomorrow. Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't have three dates at the same time. It makes me confused. But hey, I'm a cool girl. It strange. It's like everybody's interested at the same time. It's everyone or none at all. I take all. And I'll sort the problems when they come.
The most importnant thing is that I'm happy. And that I am.
Belfast or Dublin, Austin or Paul?
"But I was supposed to move to Belfast. I have already packed all my things!"
"Yeah, but you CAN'T be serious about that job, are you?" "Well..." "No Erika! You will get into troubles when you finds another job. The money goes straight to your pocket. No insurance, no anything!!" "But I want to move up there..." "My dear Erika, you can move up there as soon as you get a job. Just concentrate on your interview today, ok? And didn't that guy Austin text you? You like him don't ya?" "That's not fair. It could work out anyway. Belfast is not far away..." "Neither is Sweden, and see how the story with you and that 'love of your life guy' ended" "I guess you might be right" "Of course I am, I'm ALWAYS right. Go for the date, the interview and take it as it comes. But plz, don't take the job at the cafe. You can't go from a 2AA Rosette Award Restaurant, to a crappy cafe!" "Ok, I will. But plz, be quiet when I'm out with Austin (and Paul and Manuel) I don't want them to think that I have a split personality or something..."Deal, then"
Ok, I'm a little bit scared myself. I'm almost talking to myself, loud! =) No, not really, but I have been climbing the walls the last few days. I'm restless, just want a job so I can do something during the days. Ok I love my tours around the cities, but I want to work. And I want to make new friends. I want to go for my dates.
I have three dates waiting for me. Tonight is the first one. But I don't know if we're calling it a date. He's taking me to a big houseparty in the city centre, with dj and everything. That's Manuel.
Paul is meeting me in Belfast next week, OR he's driving down here to go for dinner with me. That's cool! =)
I don't know anything about Austin yet, because I haven't answered his text yet. But I look most forward to go out with him. I have a silly smile on my face, and I feel nervous...Who knows?
Do you know the most interesting thing? I was talking to Elin about him last week, after the party. And she said "you don't have a special type of guy, but I don't think that Alex, Goran and Andreas have anything in common. But THIS guy. He's totally NOT YOUR TYPE! You know what I mean" And yes, I do. We're like day and night. But I really enjoyed our evening together. Apparently he did as well... =D
And who knows? But then maybe I should stay in Dublin and give it a chance. I'll give it a date, and after that we'll see. If I get the job at Brown Thomas, I can stay here for a while. I can always move up to Belfast next month. You know, as long as I'm continuing looking for a good job.
The most importnant thing in all of this, is that I haven't felt this good for a long long long time. Actually since last of january. The day I thought my life was ending. I finally got over it. Totally. I've forgiven, I've said I'm sorry, we've talked and everything is out of the world. But it took me almost exactly half a year!
But now I feel free again. As I've said before. "Regret is a waste of time" Have you made a mistake? Just fix it or get over with it!
I won't be crying when I'm lonely... la la la
Ok, I have to prepare now. If I'm "lucky" I might start selling shoes at Brown Thomas next week or something...
My vegetarian diet is ok actually. I've been vegetarian for 8 days now, and I must say that it's weird. Only 5 months, 2 weeks and 4 days =) not that I'm counting :)
Tonight it's party party!
And remember your cute blonde innocent swedish girl...I won't do anything that no other swedish girl wouldn't do...Ok, that doesn't say a lot. You should be scared to death! :)
I've taken a decision!
But now I'm scared to death. I need to find a room, and to start a new account and everything. I need to do everything from the beginning. I think I will ask the cafe if I can start in 10 days, so I can prepare everything first. I need that.
A fun thing...Austin, the glass blower I told u about. The one I met at the party last weekend. He asked for my number...so Elin is gonna give it to her colleague. Her colleague and Austin went to school together. And that's a little sad. If he calls, and then I'm just moving out of the country. But it's only 2 hours away. Strange. Ireland, and including Northern Ireland is so small. The distances aren't that big. I mean, u can drive through in about 6 or 7 hours!
Any way, I have to go now, but I'll be back soon. Have to take a walk or something. Oh, and did I say that I'm a vegetarian now? For 6 months...
Peace, love and whatever...mates
Waitressing in Belfast?
Helluuuuu!
I'm in Belfast now...And I've got a job. If I want it. At a cafe in city centre. But i will only have the lowest possible wage and that is on 5£ and hour. That's not a lot. But the rent is not that high here. And the living cost isn't that high either. So maybe I should take it. For now. And then continue look for another job. The good thing is...they close at 6pm every day, AND they are CLOSED on sundays! The less good thing is that there is no 39 hour per week, he wants the staff to work at least 50. But I mean, that's not a problem for me...I would prefer work that many hours and still be off every sunday and EVERY EVENING! I could actually have a life!
I have 'til tomorrow to decide whether I want it or not. And I can start as soon as next week. Oh, they get tip as well. Between 10 and 15£ per shift. It's not that bad. And if u count that, I would have almost the same wage as at the Osborne.
But I'm nervous. I'm standing before the choice of moving to Belfast. To leave everything I know and move to a new city AND country actually. But Belfast is truly beautiful. I was in the Botanic Garden yesterday...I loved it, and during my search for jobs today, I've been walking through the whole city centre, and seen so many things.
But am I prepared to live here? Their accent is weird =) I have hard time understanding them. Really. But there are almost no foreigners here. Not like in Dublin. Ok, there are, but in Dublin you see more foreigners then Irish working in shops and malls. Not here. Everyone can speak english!
I only wish someone could take this decision for me. You know, it's scary. Now I'm gonna be totally alone! But, what else can I get? I mean, I need a job soon and now I have one. Please, can someone tell me what to do?
Anyway, I'm glad I'm back in Ireland. But I miss u all already. And Kasia, I will make it to Poland very soon! I just need to sort everything out with job and living and then I come, ok? I haven't forgot you, I promise! I miss u a lot. =)
My tan is disappearing. But my ego is back! =) Of course, because I'm the rare swedish beauty here, with the extraordinary eyes...
Love u all!
Back home in Dublin!!
I'm really happy to be back home. I don't have a job yet, of course...but I'm home. The only sad thing...is the weather. =/ It's been raining the last 43 days here, and it's been the rainiest summer in 130 years. Yesterday, people actually had to sleep in their cars on the motorway, because they couldn't go in any direction because of floodings! That's HARD!
I've met this really nice spanish guy, named Manuel, but I can't stop thinking about "Fawlty Towers" (Pang i bygget) just because of his name =D And yesterday I met Austin, an irish glass blower. That's cool!
2morrow I'm going up 2 Belfast and we'll see if I might get a job there. U never know. I hope so. Or in Cork. My spanish is going great, by the way!
I bought the Harry Potter book yesterday and in a few hours I'm going to see the last movie. Alone. No one likes me. Too bad. =) I think I''ll survive...
Anyway, I can't wait to get a job. I just want 2 DO something, u know. How can people actually CHOOSE 2 take wellfare instead of working? I would get nuts!
My english is getting better again, maybe because I spent last night with ONLY irish people. I like that. The party on friday was totally different! There were about 10 swedish girls, 6 italians (3 girls, 3 guys) and a LOT OF brasilians! Oh, and two spanish (one woman, one man) And three irish guys, ALL NAMED JOHN!!!
Whatever, I really need 2 go now. I'll be back in a few days or something. My life isn't that exciting right now =( for once...
C YA!
B4 I met U
Hellu!
Back in SCHWEDEN...dearly beloved beautiful Sweden. "What's wrong with u Erika? I thought u didn't like Sweden?" "Well, I kind of got homesick, and now I don't know if I want 2 leave...I mean, I met this guy 2 days ago..Daniel...real nice guy. Ok, we spoke for like 20 min, but he called me yesterday...And of course I'm leaving the country on thursday. B4 we have the chance 2 meet up..."
Anyway, now I'm gonna tell u little short about our holiday in Spain...Sorry for my new writing skills..To much texting makes u lazy..
Or actually, I'm 2 lazy 2 write about Spain...But we had soooo much fun. Together with a gorgeous bartender who gave us free tequila shots and other drinks and who came partying with us after work...We picked lemons, sang karaoke, THAT WAS SCARY!! and drank a lot of beer!
The biggest news: I now officially drink beer, AND whiskey straight! Cool, huh?
On thursday I'm flying back home to Dublin, I'll start from there. We'll see if I move to Spain now, or later. Might go there for next summer or something... I mean, it's easier to get a job and I have a lot of time to learn spanish. But I keep everything open. Nothing holds me back anywhere...except Paul maybe...
Ok, now I have to continue clearing my room, and wash clothes =(
I'm beautiful, ain't I?? =D
I love u all!!
Erika in Spain
I'm in Spain as you might know...Otherwise, you know it now.. And I'm having sooo much fun here. It's relaxing, but there is to many SWEDISH people! I'm actually getting crazy. It's swedish over here, and swedish over there and I'm just so fucking sick of it!! I mean there IS a reason why I left Sweden, and now they are surrounding me like I don't know what! Ok Erika, just relax, you're on holiday...breathe in, breathe out...
So, I feel a lot better now, thanks =)
The problem is really that I'm the ONLY ONE over 18 here! That's swedish I mean. I love my sister over everything in the world, but SHE IS only 17 and the last few days I've been climbing the walls. But I love you Denice! I just miss my friends, the parties I know I'm missing in Portmarnock and to speak english. I mean, there is NO MEANING AT ALL, to try to speak english here, not even the bartenders know any english. It's totally hopeless, but now I'm learning spanish so It's getting a little bit easier.
WHY are you learning spanish, my dear Erika? Well....I was thinking...I'm quite sick of the climate of Ireland...(poor poor english there, hihi)
DO YOU mean that you're thinking about...? About moving down here, yeah. I mean, why not? I've been in Ireland for 9 months now, I'm homeless, and have no job, so there's not really anything holding me back, is there? Except all my dearly beloved friends that I'm thinking of every day! Thank GOD (or something) that I brought my computer with all the photos I can watch, when I feel alone =)
So Erika, are you serious? I would like to, but it feels like a bigger step to move down to Spain...because I don't speak spanish, I'm a quick learner though, and I would really love to! I mean, think about the weather here, and think about the weather in Ireland. OR in Sweden. But then I need to get a job here as well, and that can be a little bit harder. That's the scary part you know. In Ireland I had Elin, IF anything would have gone wrong, I had her there, but if I go to Spain? No. All alone, in a country where they don't speak or understand english! But it's a cool experience, and then I can go to Australia next fall and feel that I've done something else than just...
Ok, so today I'm not really telling you what we've been up to, but that's because I feel that I need to share my thoughts with you before I come home and give you the chock of your life (almost =) )
My beloved friends, what should I do?
What I CAN tell you, is that I'm still texting this guy Paul, from Belfast... He's really sweet, and we're gonna meet when I get back to Ireland... We text a lot, he's actually the reason why I moved my beautiful being over to this internet café, MILES away =) I need to top up my credit, and then I realised I forgot my phone at home! I can do it tomorrow!
Anyway, have to leave now. Tonight, me and Didi are gonna sing Don't Stop with Queen on karaoke up in the Oasis =) Nice name,huh? I almost feel like home!
And remember that I love you!!!
Loooong night
When I left home to meet her at Spånga Station, I thought (seriously) that we were just going out for a few glass of wine... But as always, when you're with Richa, nothing goes as "planned". We went to "nivå 22" to take some Cider, yeah the sugary kind. No "Old somerset", "Bulmer's" or "Devil's bite"!! And like we did last time, we celebrated ourselves with Champagne. =D I saw this goodlooking guy...who was watching me...and when we were leaving, he called on me. And I was like "why not" so I went over and spoke to him. He was Dimitrij and I asked him if he was from Russia..Yeah, he was. I'm good, am I not? =)
Anyway, he wanted me to call him, but I never did. And Richa and I left to go to Kicki's. No laughing ok? I know, I know. But it was fun. We got sick of it, and went down towards Stureplan. I was quite hammered now =( the champagne went straight up to my head...but we had fun. And somehow, we ended up at "Lab". If you're getting in there, you should be happy. It's one of these "fancy nightclubs for rich people"...
In the "Lab", we met two guys...Justin and Preston, from Chicago, US. And we were talking and talking, and Justin was goodlooking. Kasia, he really was. OR, I was just drunk. The sad truth is, that apparently I was drunk enough to get us kicked out of the "Lab"...So, now I can put that in the "Book of my life" too.
Ok, to make this story short. I wont tell you what happened after that. Except that I and Richa at 12.00 today, was walking to T-centralen to take the train to Spånga...I didn't do anything, that you wouldn't do Kers, ok? And Kasia, no, I'm actually a good girl...But I really needed to have some fun when I was here in Sweden. And with Richa, I'll always have fun!
Sweden, Ireland or Australia?
My ex has a new girlfriend, again, but I'm not jealous. That surprises me. They're cute together. I just feel this emptiness in my heart. And it still hurts. HOW he treated me. Like I was worth nothing. (Ok, I was actually worth nothing to him, but anyway). And I realised that I've lost faith in love. In the fact that someone will eventually love me again. And that I will love him back. Depressing, isn't it? Whatever...
When it comes to my future..I'm even more confused now, than I was before I came home...Cork, Belfast, Manchester...or..Australia? I mean, why should I wait 'til next fall? Nothing, and I mean really nothing is holding me back. I didn't get the boy I was in love with. The one I thought might delay my plans apparently didn't like me. And I don't have a Supervisorship to stay for.
Should I stay in Sweden? I don't want to. "What, except your friends, do you have in Ireland, that you don't have here?" was the question my mothers husband asked me...And I didn't have an answer. But I KNOW what they have. They don't have swedish...I don't want to speak swedish all day. No offense, but It's not for me. Not for now, anyway. I need my time away, to grow up alone, to find myself, my way and what I want in my life.
The price I have to pay for that though, is that a lot of my friends sees me as a traitor, and that I'm missing what's happening at home. So each time I come home, something else is different. And people change. When I'm not there to follow the changes, you easily grow apart and I might end up without any friends in Sweden anymore. But I hope that's not true. And I always have Elin. Both of us left Sweden to try another kind of life. And that made us even closer friends.
And soon I might leave you for a country far far away. Will you speak to me again after that? Remember this: I will always support your dreams, if you only can let me live my dreams without guilty conscience. I also want you to know this: All of you, my friends, I love you, I miss you, and even if we don't talk a lot, I have you in my thoughts often.
Now, I'm gonna lay here in my bed, thinking about my future...who knows what will happen. Hopefully I'll marry a very goodlooking, rich guy, but the odds for that are quite small ;)
Depressed and stressed...
I was sad this morning when I went to Dublin centre...I almost had tears in my eyes. Why, I don't know. I think I'm homesick actually. I've had so much problems here the last month, and I've been all alone with it. Now, when things finally are calming down, and I have time to think and look back, it's hitting me with full force. Baaaad english... =) Shit happens. Yeah, but it's been really hard for me a few times.
Me and Elin are back on good feet with each other again. It was just a misunderstanding between us, and now we've solved it and we are as close as before. Thank God for that! Ok, it wasn't really because of him...but I don't know who else to thank =/ Whatever. When I was sitting on the bus, all depressed, I just wanted to go into a church, sit in the quiet and I wished that I believed. But I don't...
I saw people walking out of a church after mass, and they looked so happy, in their belief. I want to be that happy as well, but do I need to believe in something?
But as I was walking home from the bus later today, I saw the sun shining through the clouds, and I felt happiness again. I should be happy that I'm here. Everything that I experience now, I will have that with me for the rest of my life. The good AND the bad things.
I have realised something as well. I'm a different person now. If you compare the person I am today, with the one I was just 9 months ago...it's such a big difference. I don't know if you feel it straight away. Probably not, because when I go home to Sweden, I fall back in old patterns, and where I have a certain personality and behaviour. But if you see me, where I live. Where I feel comfortable, and with my new friends, then you'll see the "new" me.
Of course it's because I moved here, that I've changed. Because of all new kind of situations I've been in, that I would never had been in, If I'd stayed in Sweden. One of the biggest things though, is the fact that the love of my life broke up with me. I actually believed that their was "one true love" (and that he was the one) until he broke my heart and I had to change my belief. Otherwise I would end up lonely or unhappy with someone.
Ok, so I'm trying to believe that their are a lot of people that you actually match with...Maybe that's true...I'm trying to convince myself that anyway.
Enough of depressing talk... I'm coming home tuesday evening. Going to Spain the 27th. Back in Sweden the 11th of July. And might stay in Sweden another week after that. Depends on how I feel. Then I will go to Malmö for a weekend where I have a friend where I can stay at. And after that I'll go to Poland to see Kasia!!! If she has the time. AND after that, back to Ireland, travel a little bit to find where to settle down and get a job...That's my plan for the next 6 weeks or something...=D
Cork or Belfast, Belfast or Cork...
I took a day tour yesterday, by bus, which took us through Kinsale, a very old beautiful fishing village. Ballygooley, Clonakilty, Timoleague and a few more smaller villages. We saw strands and cliffs and the bus driver who was our guide spoke all the time and told us things about Ireland and the different counties and so on..
Came home a few hours ago, and I've started to pack my things. As you know, I'm moving out now, because of our party =P too bad
But, I've decided to move somewhere else. I'm not gonna stay in Portmarnock. It's between Cork and Belfast right now, probably Cork. I fell in love with it...It's a different atmosphere down there...
But I will miss all the good times we had up here, me, Gabi and Kers. Living together, having spontaneous parties every second night and sitting in the garden talking and drinking wine 'til 5 in the morning. It's a time I'll never forget. But I can feel in my whole being, that it's time for me to move on. I can't stay here anymore.
I'm feeling a bit homesick as well, I might stay in Sweden a little longer if I decide to move to Cork...I mean, I don't have a job yet, so I don't have a pressure to get back...
Anyway, need to continue packing...See you next week!
