Sweden, Ireland or Australia?
I'm in my bed right now...with my laptop. Listening to swedish music. It's midsummers eve today. And I'm doing nothing. For the first time in about 6 years I think, I'm at home. Not with my friends, and my boyfriend. No drinking, no partying. It's just a ordinary day. When I think of it, it's actually my first midsummer as single, since I was 13! I've had a boyfriend ALL THE TIME!! And I'm happy. It suits me, this quietness.
My ex has a new girlfriend, again, but I'm not jealous. That surprises me. They're cute together. I just feel this emptiness in my heart. And it still hurts. HOW he treated me. Like I was worth nothing. (Ok, I was actually worth nothing to him, but anyway). And I realised that I've lost faith in love. In the fact that someone will eventually love me again. And that I will love him back. Depressing, isn't it? Whatever...
When it comes to my future..I'm even more confused now, than I was before I came home...Cork, Belfast, Manchester...or..Australia? I mean, why should I wait 'til next fall? Nothing, and I mean really nothing is holding me back. I didn't get the boy I was in love with. The one I thought might delay my plans apparently didn't like me. And I don't have a Supervisorship to stay for.
Should I stay in Sweden? I don't want to. "What, except your friends, do you have in Ireland, that you don't have here?" was the question my mothers husband asked me...And I didn't have an answer. But I KNOW what they have. They don't have swedish...I don't want to speak swedish all day. No offense, but It's not for me. Not for now, anyway. I need my time away, to grow up alone, to find myself, my way and what I want in my life.
The price I have to pay for that though, is that a lot of my friends sees me as a traitor, and that I'm missing what's happening at home. So each time I come home, something else is different. And people change. When I'm not there to follow the changes, you easily grow apart and I might end up without any friends in Sweden anymore. But I hope that's not true. And I always have Elin. Both of us left Sweden to try another kind of life. And that made us even closer friends.
And soon I might leave you for a country far far away. Will you speak to me again after that? Remember this: I will always support your dreams, if you only can let me live my dreams without guilty conscience. I also want you to know this: All of you, my friends, I love you, I miss you, and even if we don't talk a lot, I have you in my thoughts often.
Now, I'm gonna lay here in my bed, thinking about my future...who knows what will happen. Hopefully I'll marry a very goodlooking, rich guy, but the odds for that are quite small ;)
My ex has a new girlfriend, again, but I'm not jealous. That surprises me. They're cute together. I just feel this emptiness in my heart. And it still hurts. HOW he treated me. Like I was worth nothing. (Ok, I was actually worth nothing to him, but anyway). And I realised that I've lost faith in love. In the fact that someone will eventually love me again. And that I will love him back. Depressing, isn't it? Whatever...
When it comes to my future..I'm even more confused now, than I was before I came home...Cork, Belfast, Manchester...or..Australia? I mean, why should I wait 'til next fall? Nothing, and I mean really nothing is holding me back. I didn't get the boy I was in love with. The one I thought might delay my plans apparently didn't like me. And I don't have a Supervisorship to stay for.
Should I stay in Sweden? I don't want to. "What, except your friends, do you have in Ireland, that you don't have here?" was the question my mothers husband asked me...And I didn't have an answer. But I KNOW what they have. They don't have swedish...I don't want to speak swedish all day. No offense, but It's not for me. Not for now, anyway. I need my time away, to grow up alone, to find myself, my way and what I want in my life.
The price I have to pay for that though, is that a lot of my friends sees me as a traitor, and that I'm missing what's happening at home. So each time I come home, something else is different. And people change. When I'm not there to follow the changes, you easily grow apart and I might end up without any friends in Sweden anymore. But I hope that's not true. And I always have Elin. Both of us left Sweden to try another kind of life. And that made us even closer friends.
And soon I might leave you for a country far far away. Will you speak to me again after that? Remember this: I will always support your dreams, if you only can let me live my dreams without guilty conscience. I also want you to know this: All of you, my friends, I love you, I miss you, and even if we don't talk a lot, I have you in my thoughts often.
Now, I'm gonna lay here in my bed, thinking about my future...who knows what will happen. Hopefully I'll marry a very goodlooking, rich guy, but the odds for that are quite small ;)
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