Depressed and stressed...
So, I'm back again...I'm packing and packing and packing.. I hate it! I hate it! HATE IT! I bought a new suitcase today, because I need something to put all my stuff in...
I was sad this morning when I went to Dublin centre...I almost had tears in my eyes. Why, I don't know. I think I'm homesick actually. I've had so much problems here the last month, and I've been all alone with it. Now, when things finally are calming down, and I have time to think and look back, it's hitting me with full force. Baaaad english... =) Shit happens. Yeah, but it's been really hard for me a few times.
Me and Elin are back on good feet with each other again. It was just a misunderstanding between us, and now we've solved it and we are as close as before. Thank God for that! Ok, it wasn't really because of him...but I don't know who else to thank =/ Whatever. When I was sitting on the bus, all depressed, I just wanted to go into a church, sit in the quiet and I wished that I believed. But I don't...
I saw people walking out of a church after mass, and they looked so happy, in their belief. I want to be that happy as well, but do I need to believe in something?
But as I was walking home from the bus later today, I saw the sun shining through the clouds, and I felt happiness again. I should be happy that I'm here. Everything that I experience now, I will have that with me for the rest of my life. The good AND the bad things.
I have realised something as well. I'm a different person now. If you compare the person I am today, with the one I was just 9 months ago...it's such a big difference. I don't know if you feel it straight away. Probably not, because when I go home to Sweden, I fall back in old patterns, and where I have a certain personality and behaviour. But if you see me, where I live. Where I feel comfortable, and with my new friends, then you'll see the "new" me.
Of course it's because I moved here, that I've changed. Because of all new kind of situations I've been in, that I would never had been in, If I'd stayed in Sweden. One of the biggest things though, is the fact that the love of my life broke up with me. I actually believed that their was "one true love" (and that he was the one) until he broke my heart and I had to change my belief. Otherwise I would end up lonely or unhappy with someone.
Ok, so I'm trying to believe that their are a lot of people that you actually match with...Maybe that's true...I'm trying to convince myself that anyway.
Enough of depressing talk... I'm coming home tuesday evening. Going to Spain the 27th. Back in Sweden the 11th of July. And might stay in Sweden another week after that. Depends on how I feel. Then I will go to Malmö for a weekend where I have a friend where I can stay at. And after that I'll go to Poland to see Kasia!!! If she has the time. AND after that, back to Ireland, travel a little bit to find where to settle down and get a job...That's my plan for the next 6 weeks or something...=D
I was sad this morning when I went to Dublin centre...I almost had tears in my eyes. Why, I don't know. I think I'm homesick actually. I've had so much problems here the last month, and I've been all alone with it. Now, when things finally are calming down, and I have time to think and look back, it's hitting me with full force. Baaaad english... =) Shit happens. Yeah, but it's been really hard for me a few times.
Me and Elin are back on good feet with each other again. It was just a misunderstanding between us, and now we've solved it and we are as close as before. Thank God for that! Ok, it wasn't really because of him...but I don't know who else to thank =/ Whatever. When I was sitting on the bus, all depressed, I just wanted to go into a church, sit in the quiet and I wished that I believed. But I don't...
I saw people walking out of a church after mass, and they looked so happy, in their belief. I want to be that happy as well, but do I need to believe in something?
But as I was walking home from the bus later today, I saw the sun shining through the clouds, and I felt happiness again. I should be happy that I'm here. Everything that I experience now, I will have that with me for the rest of my life. The good AND the bad things.
I have realised something as well. I'm a different person now. If you compare the person I am today, with the one I was just 9 months ago...it's such a big difference. I don't know if you feel it straight away. Probably not, because when I go home to Sweden, I fall back in old patterns, and where I have a certain personality and behaviour. But if you see me, where I live. Where I feel comfortable, and with my new friends, then you'll see the "new" me.
Of course it's because I moved here, that I've changed. Because of all new kind of situations I've been in, that I would never had been in, If I'd stayed in Sweden. One of the biggest things though, is the fact that the love of my life broke up with me. I actually believed that their was "one true love" (and that he was the one) until he broke my heart and I had to change my belief. Otherwise I would end up lonely or unhappy with someone.
Ok, so I'm trying to believe that their are a lot of people that you actually match with...Maybe that's true...I'm trying to convince myself that anyway.
Enough of depressing talk... I'm coming home tuesday evening. Going to Spain the 27th. Back in Sweden the 11th of July. And might stay in Sweden another week after that. Depends on how I feel. Then I will go to Malmö for a weekend where I have a friend where I can stay at. And after that I'll go to Poland to see Kasia!!! If she has the time. AND after that, back to Ireland, travel a little bit to find where to settle down and get a job...That's my plan for the next 6 weeks or something...=D
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