Loooong night
When I left home to meet her at Spånga Station, I thought (seriously) that we were just going out for a few glass of wine... But as always, when you're with Richa, nothing goes as "planned". We went to "nivå 22" to take some Cider, yeah the sugary kind. No "Old somerset", "Bulmer's" or "Devil's bite"!! And like we did last time, we celebrated ourselves with Champagne. =D I saw this goodlooking guy...who was watching me...and when we were leaving, he called on me. And I was like "why not" so I went over and spoke to him. He was Dimitrij and I asked him if he was from Russia..Yeah, he was. I'm good, am I not? =)
Anyway, he wanted me to call him, but I never did. And Richa and I left to go to Kicki's. No laughing ok? I know, I know. But it was fun. We got sick of it, and went down towards Stureplan. I was quite hammered now =( the champagne went straight up to my head...but we had fun. And somehow, we ended up at "Lab". If you're getting in there, you should be happy. It's one of these "fancy nightclubs for rich people"...
In the "Lab", we met two guys...Justin and Preston, from Chicago, US. And we were talking and talking, and Justin was goodlooking. Kasia, he really was. OR, I was just drunk. The sad truth is, that apparently I was drunk enough to get us kicked out of the "Lab"...So, now I can put that in the "Book of my life" too.
Ok, to make this story short. I wont tell you what happened after that. Except that I and Richa at 12.00 today, was walking to T-centralen to take the train to Spånga...I didn't do anything, that you wouldn't do Kers, ok? And Kasia, no, I'm actually a good girl...But I really needed to have some fun when I was here in Sweden. And with Richa, I'll always have fun!
Sweden, Ireland or Australia?
My ex has a new girlfriend, again, but I'm not jealous. That surprises me. They're cute together. I just feel this emptiness in my heart. And it still hurts. HOW he treated me. Like I was worth nothing. (Ok, I was actually worth nothing to him, but anyway). And I realised that I've lost faith in love. In the fact that someone will eventually love me again. And that I will love him back. Depressing, isn't it? Whatever...
When it comes to my future..I'm even more confused now, than I was before I came home...Cork, Belfast, Manchester...or..Australia? I mean, why should I wait 'til next fall? Nothing, and I mean really nothing is holding me back. I didn't get the boy I was in love with. The one I thought might delay my plans apparently didn't like me. And I don't have a Supervisorship to stay for.
Should I stay in Sweden? I don't want to. "What, except your friends, do you have in Ireland, that you don't have here?" was the question my mothers husband asked me...And I didn't have an answer. But I KNOW what they have. They don't have swedish...I don't want to speak swedish all day. No offense, but It's not for me. Not for now, anyway. I need my time away, to grow up alone, to find myself, my way and what I want in my life.
The price I have to pay for that though, is that a lot of my friends sees me as a traitor, and that I'm missing what's happening at home. So each time I come home, something else is different. And people change. When I'm not there to follow the changes, you easily grow apart and I might end up without any friends in Sweden anymore. But I hope that's not true. And I always have Elin. Both of us left Sweden to try another kind of life. And that made us even closer friends.
And soon I might leave you for a country far far away. Will you speak to me again after that? Remember this: I will always support your dreams, if you only can let me live my dreams without guilty conscience. I also want you to know this: All of you, my friends, I love you, I miss you, and even if we don't talk a lot, I have you in my thoughts often.
Now, I'm gonna lay here in my bed, thinking about my future...who knows what will happen. Hopefully I'll marry a very goodlooking, rich guy, but the odds for that are quite small ;)
Depressed and stressed...
I was sad this morning when I went to Dublin centre...I almost had tears in my eyes. Why, I don't know. I think I'm homesick actually. I've had so much problems here the last month, and I've been all alone with it. Now, when things finally are calming down, and I have time to think and look back, it's hitting me with full force. Baaaad english... =) Shit happens. Yeah, but it's been really hard for me a few times.
Me and Elin are back on good feet with each other again. It was just a misunderstanding between us, and now we've solved it and we are as close as before. Thank God for that! Ok, it wasn't really because of him...but I don't know who else to thank =/ Whatever. When I was sitting on the bus, all depressed, I just wanted to go into a church, sit in the quiet and I wished that I believed. But I don't...
I saw people walking out of a church after mass, and they looked so happy, in their belief. I want to be that happy as well, but do I need to believe in something?
But as I was walking home from the bus later today, I saw the sun shining through the clouds, and I felt happiness again. I should be happy that I'm here. Everything that I experience now, I will have that with me for the rest of my life. The good AND the bad things.
I have realised something as well. I'm a different person now. If you compare the person I am today, with the one I was just 9 months ago...it's such a big difference. I don't know if you feel it straight away. Probably not, because when I go home to Sweden, I fall back in old patterns, and where I have a certain personality and behaviour. But if you see me, where I live. Where I feel comfortable, and with my new friends, then you'll see the "new" me.
Of course it's because I moved here, that I've changed. Because of all new kind of situations I've been in, that I would never had been in, If I'd stayed in Sweden. One of the biggest things though, is the fact that the love of my life broke up with me. I actually believed that their was "one true love" (and that he was the one) until he broke my heart and I had to change my belief. Otherwise I would end up lonely or unhappy with someone.
Ok, so I'm trying to believe that their are a lot of people that you actually match with...Maybe that's true...I'm trying to convince myself that anyway.
Enough of depressing talk... I'm coming home tuesday evening. Going to Spain the 27th. Back in Sweden the 11th of July. And might stay in Sweden another week after that. Depends on how I feel. Then I will go to Malmö for a weekend where I have a friend where I can stay at. And after that I'll go to Poland to see Kasia!!! If she has the time. AND after that, back to Ireland, travel a little bit to find where to settle down and get a job...That's my plan for the next 6 weeks or something...=D
Cork or Belfast, Belfast or Cork...
I took a day tour yesterday, by bus, which took us through Kinsale, a very old beautiful fishing village. Ballygooley, Clonakilty, Timoleague and a few more smaller villages. We saw strands and cliffs and the bus driver who was our guide spoke all the time and told us things about Ireland and the different counties and so on..
Came home a few hours ago, and I've started to pack my things. As you know, I'm moving out now, because of our party =P too bad
But, I've decided to move somewhere else. I'm not gonna stay in Portmarnock. It's between Cork and Belfast right now, probably Cork. I fell in love with it...It's a different atmosphere down there...
But I will miss all the good times we had up here, me, Gabi and Kers. Living together, having spontaneous parties every second night and sitting in the garden talking and drinking wine 'til 5 in the morning. It's a time I'll never forget. But I can feel in my whole being, that it's time for me to move on. I can't stay here anymore.
I'm feeling a bit homesick as well, I might stay in Sweden a little longer if I decide to move to Cork...I mean, I don't have a job yet, so I don't have a pressure to get back...
Anyway, need to continue packing...See you next week!
You can't imagine!
This is gonna be a looooong blogg...Because I haven't been able to write in it for two weeks. Something wrong with the page...Whatever..I'll try to give you everything in short stories, but I promise you, it will be hard!
Ok, so where to start? Hmmm...
We'll start with Sky, my dear (ex)manager, who after taking my notes that I made for a meeting with the HR Manager and OP Manager, called me a bitch and said that she'll do everything she can to get me out of the hotel...SHE'S a bitch, ok? Whatever. My last day was last friday and I'm sooo happy!
So I had a meeting with the HR and the OP managers...and I told EVERYTHING about Sky. That she didn't see the difference between the salmon and the duck!!! (hello! salmon is pink!!!!) and that she wants to order 800 napkins a week...(we use around 1600 every week) I had around 25 complaints about her... But I was gonna tell you that they offered me a job in the Cocktail Bar! And I said "yes, why not?" So, the 13th of July, I start in the Cocktail Bar...propably.
Went in to Dublin on my first offday, and met Elin. We sat in St Stephens Green Park and after we went home to my place and ordered chinafood...We had so much fun and I have really missed her!
This is the best day ever ok? You're gonna here a story now, and you're probably gonna think "Is that Erika? The girl that we KNOW??" I don't know actually =)
Ok, so on sunday we were going to Tamango's of course. My "leaving party" and we had sooooo much fun. And we were sooo drunk. And after Tamango's..I have no idea how, but everybody ended up in OUR house! And we continued drinking (not me actually) and people were smoking greeny stuff =) and we had sooo much fun....They left att 6 am...
On monday we here from Pavel that the landlord is coming, neighbours have been complaining and that the Garda actually was here last night....And that we should look for another accomodation. Huh? We just took it easy and waited for the night, I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Yeah, we could get thrown out...
So, the landlord came, and to make the story short "I don't think you girls fit in here. You are young, you want to party. You should look for another accomodation"
So, I can now tick off on my list, that I got kicked out of a house, because of partying =) But it was a hell of a party, so it WAS worth it! I must say that I'm actually proud of myself =)
So, we have found a new house. Hopefully. IN the new house, we're making the rules ok? WE'RE gonna have parties! But if someone is working early or things like that, of course, we'll respect that. But we're living here to have fun, to have the time of our life!
And the last thing...Was in Belfast with Kers today and yesterday! Cool! We had sooo much fun. Slept in a hostel for 7.50 pound per person in a 18 bedroom dorm...ME, in a DORM! Can you imagine? What has happened to Erika? Just pracitising before Australia ok =) And we had sooo much fun, will tell you later because now we're going to Tamango's.
And tomorrow I'm off to Cork, and probably Galway! And I have a date this weekend with a guy from London, who lives in Belfast, and will drive down to Dublin for dinner =D
Oh, And William is out of my head! Thank god for that! Finally!
And soon I'll see you in Stockholm!
Next, Manchester?
I've got a potential job offer in Manchester, UK. There were three guests for breakfast, and I told them I was leaving..."I own part of a hotel in Manchester, I can get you a job there if you want to" Huh?
And I think I might consider it actually. I mean, why not? Nothing keeps me here. If I leave this place, it would probably be easier for me to forget William.
Right now, he's still messing up my mind. By calling me yesterday and leaving notes in my jacketpocket today...
The couple who took my mail and wanted to help me get a job in Northern of Ireland mailed me two days ago to tell me that they haven't forgot me. But that they've been real busy at work.
So, I have to go through 7 more days of hell...And then...Then I will go somewhere for a short holiday, before I go home a few days earlier to be with my family... We'll see what happens. A fun thing...I will go and see Justin Timberlake in Gothenburg the 25th of june together with my family!! =)
Anyway, I need to sleep or whatever.
