Life sucks sometimes
Life is not fair. Sometimes I feel so lucky to be here, to have what I have and that I can't ask for more. But now and then, recently more often, I feel that something is wrong. I shouldn't be here anymore. I should move on, because I am not happy. I know when that I get that feeling though. When my boyfriend has made me disappointed in some way and then he makes me the "bad guy" in the scenario, when I try to tell him how I feel.
Are we too different? Is it too much to ask that he clears the kitchen when I have been cooking? I always clean up when he's been cooking for me. Is it to much to ask for a "thank you" because I washed his clothes with mine? Apparently. When I write this down I can just see why he thinks I'm a bitch nagging him about stuff like that, but I need things to be organised and clean around me to feel relaxed. He don't seem to care. Our flatmate don't care either.
Now I understand what my mother meant when she said that living with a man is raising another kid. I haven't had any kids yet (thank god for that!) but this is experience enough. She said she didn't want to live with a man again, (now she found a clean, organised one), and I understand her. I feel that if this ends, I'm NOT gonna move in with someone again unless it's perfectly clear how I wants and needs it to be around me. It's a stressful environment for me (imagine waking up and se dishes and pans and cutting boards and waste everywhere in the kitchen when you enter to eat breakfast).
I'm seriously thinking about moving out, the only problem is that my boyfriend has told me that he then will break up with me. "why should I want to be with a girl who don't want to live with me?". I get his point, but he needs to understand mine as well.
Right now he's annoyed with me (which puts me in distress) because I told him that I was disappointed with him, or actually I thanked him for leaving the kitchen in such a clean state when he went to bed last night. He promised to clean up since I cooked, but instead he just went to bed and I ended up cleaning the kitchen since I can't go to bed knowing I have to wake up to that! And HE is annoyed with me. Is that fair?
Ok, I know this is no fun to read, but since my best friend (now former best friend) don't talk to me anymore and my boyfriend is all I have here. Almost no contact with home, and no close friends here, then I just write it down here. And you can stop read whenever you want to and don't have to say a word =)
I'm just sad. Distressed and depressed. Should I stay or should I go? (interesting song btw) I can not trust him to do stuff I ask him for and since we are living together, it is kind of a big thing. Now I have to get rid of my msn trojan virus by myself (I have some kinds of instructions) since he promised me for a week to fix it now...every day. He has also promised to help me with a VERY importnant call, but now I will ask a friend of mine at work instead since he is in a hurry and will do it later all the time.
Do you want to know a new thing btw? If you ask our flatmate to take out the trash and he says ok, that means that he take the bag and tie it together and put it beside the waste bin in the kitchen.
IF you have a comment or advice, pleace post it for me. Don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend, but I'm not a house maid.
The only thing that made me really happy this week (since we had a fight on new years eve around 3 am, great start of the year) was that it actually started to snow!! In Belfast! And it is interesting to see that a whole country just went down because of 7 cm of snow. They were driving 20km/h and in the morning ALL the buses was cancelled so half of our team couldn't make it to work. =) This is a kind of primitive city, but I know for a fact that there isn't ONE ploughing car on the WHOLE island!
Are we too different? Is it too much to ask that he clears the kitchen when I have been cooking? I always clean up when he's been cooking for me. Is it to much to ask for a "thank you" because I washed his clothes with mine? Apparently. When I write this down I can just see why he thinks I'm a bitch nagging him about stuff like that, but I need things to be organised and clean around me to feel relaxed. He don't seem to care. Our flatmate don't care either.
Now I understand what my mother meant when she said that living with a man is raising another kid. I haven't had any kids yet (thank god for that!) but this is experience enough. She said she didn't want to live with a man again, (now she found a clean, organised one), and I understand her. I feel that if this ends, I'm NOT gonna move in with someone again unless it's perfectly clear how I wants and needs it to be around me. It's a stressful environment for me (imagine waking up and se dishes and pans and cutting boards and waste everywhere in the kitchen when you enter to eat breakfast).
I'm seriously thinking about moving out, the only problem is that my boyfriend has told me that he then will break up with me. "why should I want to be with a girl who don't want to live with me?". I get his point, but he needs to understand mine as well.
Right now he's annoyed with me (which puts me in distress) because I told him that I was disappointed with him, or actually I thanked him for leaving the kitchen in such a clean state when he went to bed last night. He promised to clean up since I cooked, but instead he just went to bed and I ended up cleaning the kitchen since I can't go to bed knowing I have to wake up to that! And HE is annoyed with me. Is that fair?
Ok, I know this is no fun to read, but since my best friend (now former best friend) don't talk to me anymore and my boyfriend is all I have here. Almost no contact with home, and no close friends here, then I just write it down here. And you can stop read whenever you want to and don't have to say a word =)
I'm just sad. Distressed and depressed. Should I stay or should I go? (interesting song btw) I can not trust him to do stuff I ask him for and since we are living together, it is kind of a big thing. Now I have to get rid of my msn trojan virus by myself (I have some kinds of instructions) since he promised me for a week to fix it now...every day. He has also promised to help me with a VERY importnant call, but now I will ask a friend of mine at work instead since he is in a hurry and will do it later all the time.
Do you want to know a new thing btw? If you ask our flatmate to take out the trash and he says ok, that means that he take the bag and tie it together and put it beside the waste bin in the kitchen.
IF you have a comment or advice, pleace post it for me. Don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend, but I'm not a house maid.
The only thing that made me really happy this week (since we had a fight on new years eve around 3 am, great start of the year) was that it actually started to snow!! In Belfast! And it is interesting to see that a whole country just went down because of 7 cm of snow. They were driving 20km/h and in the morning ALL the buses was cancelled so half of our team couldn't make it to work. =) This is a kind of primitive city, but I know for a fact that there isn't ONE ploughing car on the WHOLE island!
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